If We Were Having Coffee // I Wasn’t Myself at All

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

We’re meeting a little late today because I had an early morning coffee meeting with a potential wedding planner and afterward we made the rounds to all the thrift stores near us in search of wedding decor items and ideas. It was a good trip out. We found some neat things to use in our centerpieces and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. I’m glad we were able to soak it up before a cold front settles in tomorrow.

I’m home now and ready for another cup of cold brew and another conversation! So, please, pull up and chair and fill up a cup. Let’s talk about last week.

“If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”

— David Letterman

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of my week was definitely seeing Avengers: Endgame Friday night. Actually, Friday as a whole was a good day all in all. Work was low-key, but I was much more productive than the four days before combined.

A couple of months ago I moved into a new office area but since I’m not great with change, I’ve still been hanging around my old workspace but on Friday I decided to give the new space a real chance and pledged to spend all my working hours there. It turns out the new space, though far away from my favorite coworkers, is much brighter, more comfortable, and much, much quieter. I’m looking forward to doing more work there and maybe using the space for writing and reading on my breaks too.

After work, we went directly to my fiance’s little brother’s ROTC award ceremony. It’s always interesting to see how disciplined these kids are and to hear how hard they’ve worked over the year. No matter what your feelings about the military or their role in our schools it’s hard not to admire them. I’m proud to say that my future little brother-in-law earned a leadership award from the Order of the Purple Heart!

After the award ceremony, we went out for a date night dinner at our favorite little sushi place, drank too much sake, and walked across the parking lot to sit for three hours through the what might be the best Marvel movie ever released. Avengers: Endgame is so worth the time and money to go see. It was exciting, heartbreaking, and offered just enough closure that we can all walk away feeling ready for whatever the studio is planning next.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the rest of the week wasn’t very good. Nothing bad happened but I was feeling rather down and irritable. I felt exhausted and no matter how much I slept or how much coffee I drank I couldn’t seem to crawl out of the fatigue. I didn’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. I just wasn’t myself at all.

So, it was a bad writing week, a bad reading week, and a bad learning week. I’ve fallen behind in just about every goal I set for the month and I have no idea how I’m going to pep-talk myself into catching up.

Unfortunately, next week will be a busy one and unless I take real steps back toward discipline and focus, I will only fall farther behind. I may have to deactivate Facebook for a while and schedule my Twitter time to keep me out of the time-sucking social media holes that feel so good whenever I feel this down. I’m going to spend this evening working out some concrete goals and daily to-dos to make procrastination harder.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the rest of the weekend was much better than the week before. Saturday we did the first part of all the weekend wedding shopping we’d planned. We were all over town and it was a little disappointing to find so many stores out of or missing the things we’d envisioned. Buying online means more selection but I prefer shopping in stores so I can see what I am getting.

I was able to finally settle on a suit, though I will have to get it tailored so that I don’t look like a child in it. It’s so hard being a woman who presents just masculine of center. There aren’t enough gender-neutral wedding suits for queers like me in the world.

It’d be easier if I was taller, or less feminine shaped, but the reality of my body doesn’t match the vision of who I am inside so shopping can be a frustrating and depressing endeavor. Luckily I have the very best girlfriend in the world and through her support and positivity, we found something I could live with.

We were supposed to go out Saturday night for a belated birthday celebration but part of being over thirty in this culture and economy means having close friends whose schedules are always clear when yours is full and full when yours is empty. We’ve been trying to get together for months now and every time I think we’re all going to be able to make it something comes up. We’re planning to try again two weekends from now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the savory smells from the kitchen are telling me dinner is on the way and the long shadows from the west windows are warning me that it’s time to go. I have to get another load of laundry in and get ready for the Battle of Winterfell on Game of Thrones.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope you were productive but I also hope you rested too. I hope the weather is warm wherever you are and that you were able to get out and soak up the sun. I hope you did a thing or two just for you and that you know that you are worth more than what you offer others.

Until next time. 

Little Things // Sunni Colón

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Fernando Hernandez on Unsplash

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

2 thoughts on “If We Were Having Coffee // I Wasn’t Myself at All”

  1. That sounds like a very busy week and weekend, but overall happy? Thank you for the coffee. I just realize that I haven’t had any coffee at all today, and it’s after 5pm..lol. some days are just like that 🙂


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