312 // Something for Me

Even though it’s the weekend, and I’d be off from work anyway, it still feels like the first day of my second quarantine which is feeling more and more like a kind of vacation from all those things that have been terrifying and stressing me so much lately. I woke up light, happy, and feeling more like myself than I have felt in a very long time.

Today was also first time in weeks—months maybe—that I have been able get out of the house and do something for me. Some much needed shopping was done and some shopping that was just for fun. I enjoyed some of it very much, and some of it not at all, but I’m home now, feeling a little tired and very content.

In light of the recent rise in COVID cases I can’t help worrying over my little outing. I hoped the stores would be somewhat empty what with our local officials recommending we all take further precautions but it was quite the opposite out there. The stores were packed. Everyone was wearing their masks but social distancing was nearly impossible and the closeness of all those bodies, breathing all around me, made me feel very anxious. I don’t think I’ll be venturing out into the world again for a long time.

And anyway, too much of what little energy I have anymore is used up during these outings. The time for staying in, for making this house more like home, for resting, reflecting, and recuperating has arrived.

I’m starting right now, spending the evening on the couch wrapped in my comfiest blankets and watching President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris call for unity, peace, and healing throughout the country. It’s such a soothing and calming messages and gives me hope that even if compromises must be made over the next four years they will be made in an effort to move us all forward together because the truth is we are all Americans and so many of us have been left behind in so many ways and on both sides of the political aisle.

I’m back!

It’s been a long week—a long two weeks really! I’ve missed my time here every day but I don’t regret taking on the extra work at all. I’ve learned a lot and the sense of accomplishment was much needed. Still, I’m ready to get back to my old easy-peasy predictable schedule.

Beginning this afternoon my work schedule should start winding down and I should finally be able to start getting back to the things I want to do.

The end comes right on time too. I’m getting tired of this particular set of problems and have been longing for days for new challenges and frustrations if I must have them at all. If I’m near the same people too long, and they keep pressing my same buttons, I lose patience and my ability to speak in comforting and constructive tones.

I’m trying though, and, all-in-all, I’m proud of myself. I think I did well and I don’t hate the idea of doing it all again, just not anytime soon, please.