113 // A New Battle to Fight

It’s a strange morning. I’m working from a different location and the change in schedule is sending my anxiety levels sky high. I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the coping skills I’ve learned to calm and care for myself. I validate my thoughts and fears. I give myself space to feel. I can sit with the feeling without being overwhelmed. I can leap into action to put in place plans to ease my mind.

It didn’t used to be this easy. It still isn’t but I can see now that it gets easier every day. Maybe this is what they mean when they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Each fear, each failure, leads to a new insight, and each insight leads to a new strategy, a new way to win against yourself. I just wish there wasn’t always a new battle to fight.

I read a great post over on Brevity this morning, and it’s got me feeling inspired to write again. It’s started with these little journal entries and some reviews and personal essay drafts I’ve begun in the last few weeks. I have a list of posts on Are.na where I can collect quotes and webpages. I have everything started, but that’s all I’ve got, a start.

But I’d like to try the actual writing part again. I’d like to simply schedule time to sit down for an hour a day (three or four over the weekend) and plug away at them one post after another. No talking, no cleaning, no social media, nothing but writing. I have the time, all I need is the discipline.

And like the post said, “I’m slow and it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. I can do this.” There are no other goals or expectations to meet. There is no one I have to be better than. There is no one to impress. The goal is only to write until the time is up, no matter the subject or the pace or the skill level I’m at.



I used writing as an escape today but not in a good way. I was supposed to be working on my course assignments but I wrote an Earth Day piece that I’m not sure I like. The problem is that so much of what I share has been free writing session with little to no editing beyond spelling grammar checks and rearranging paragraphs. What I’d like now is to spend some days on a piece without losing energy or focus.

I’m going to be returning to work in just under two weeks and I have to start thinking about how I can transition what I have learned, what I want, and what I have time now into what I will have time for when most of my day will be filled up with work and the needs and expectations of so many people.

Less time means my goals will take longer. It doesn’t mean they are impossible to achieve. I’ve had a chance to make a start and I don’t want to lose it to poor planning and foresight.

In a way I’m kind of glad I’m going back to work. I miss my friends and my routine and I think as much as both get in the way of my writing and my goals I think they also make both possible too. I need the inspiration and mental stimulation that comes from being with people and with doing things that have nothing at all to do with writing. It seems I need a life in order to have anything to say about it.