124 // Heavy

The days never look as good while you are working your way through them as they do in retrospect. Yesterday, for example, felt slow, drab, and unproductive throughout but looking back over my goals and to-dos from this tomorrow I can see quite a lot actually got done and I’m proud.

My hope is that today will be the same. The sun is out at least, and that is a vast improvement already. It good to have gotten through Monday, and so far I’m plodding along pretty steadily from task to task. My workload is a little heavier but if I use my time mindfully this shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m struggling to want to write, but having the hour scheduled for later helps. I can focus on taking notes, freewriting, and thinking which has always been my favorite part of writing. That and the “having written“.

I thought I’d tackle a book review next. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve shared my thoughts on any recent reads. The books I tend to enjoy are so heavy though, it makes it hard to be light-hearted or short-winded. It makes it hard not to give the whole book away.

I think more light-hearted writing is in order though, to balance so much of my heavy feeling. I’ve always tended to take life and myself far too seriously and that makes for hard writing and I worry it makes for hard reading too.

124//366

I woke to thick fog outside this morning as the moisture left behind from last night’s rainstorm evaporating in the rising sunshine. I started the day with a quick shower and rather than a walk I did a quick but effective warm up followed by a few each of lunges, squats, and bicep curls. I’m still taking it easy on my knees while I wait to order a second compression sleeve, but I’m trying to do some activity every day so I can get ready for a short hiking trip in a week or so.

This Sunday is a strange one. I don’t feel like doing my usual Sunday thing, so I won’t. I want to be up doing projects sround the house and cleaning out corners that haven’t been touched in years. I guess the season is really getting to me. Nothing feels more important than this house, not writing, not reading, and definitely not learning. I feel guilty for it but I suppose I would no matter what I did.

I think I just miss going work and taking care of the house is the closest I can get to that feeling I used to get after a hard but satisfying work day. It’s a funny thing to learn about yourself. That day job you resented and thought was getting in the way of your dreams and fulfillment iturns out to be the things you end up missing more than anything. Your hobbies are still your hobbies and your work is as necessary as love.