344 // Rebuild Endurance

This morning is off to a nice, smooth start. I got up on time and made it through my routine easily. I’ve started thinking of each day as beginning the night before and sticking to a bedtime routine that helps me prepare that included going over my to do list, getting my bags and clothes ready, and spending some time cleaning. This week my stress levels are notably lower, and I’m spending less time laying awake at night with worry.

I think getting back into my daily meditation groove is helping too. I didn’t realize how much I had missed, or needed, those 10 to 15 minutes of focusing on body and breath every morning. It’s hard not to beat myself up over the months’ long lapse but I’m countering it with plenty of praise for taking up the practice again.

Symptom-wise, I only continue to improve. Some side effect of the new meds is joint pain and headaches, but even those discomforts are getting better with time. Every day my energy and drive increase and so does my ability to find purpose and joy.

The doctor mentioned that a big contributor to my fatigue may be a depletion serotonin levels. I had no idea that so much of the body’s supply of the “happy chemical” was made and utilized in and by the gut. I’ve been advised to manage my emotions and rebuild endurance through time, rest, and plenty of self-care and forgiveness. The journey so far is easier than expected. It helps to have so much to be grateful for.

My boss’s retirement luncheon was today. We’ve all known he would be leaving for a long time now but the news is really hitting me emotionally today. He has been an amazing boss. The kind that gives you room to be the best employee you can. I wish more managers understood that trying to squeeze every drop of productivity and accountability only stifles passion and kills good ideas before they have a chance to develop.

If you make all of your employees feel important and treat even the lowest level workers as resources for radical solutions and change you can build a better team, department, and company than you could ever imagine.

If you have a boss like the kind I had, the kind that trusts you to do your best work, appreciate them and spread your wings while they will let you. I’m afraid of who will be the next head of our department and worried that I will be reined in and smothered again. Just imagining it exhausts me.