051 // Never as Bad as I Think

Woke up late this morning and then laid in bed longer than I should have trying to decide if it was worth seizing another day for myself by calling into work. As nice as the sixth day in a row of relaxing would have been, I decided I didn’t need the guilt and made my way reluctantly and riddled with angst to work.

I was sure it was going to be a bad day but if I’m honest, it didn’t turn out even half as bad as I feared. I think waking up early isn’t easy, and with all the extra work and the last-minute schedule changes, I’m just feeling extra anxious and pessimistic. Plus, I’m returning from a not-long-enough-by-far vacation and I’m missing some of my favorite coworkers who have left for brighter opportunities.

Day-to-day things are hard, but they aren’t bad. I just need a new groove, that’s all.

And the truth is, there was a lot of good today too. I made progress on all fronts including blogging, wedding planning, reading, and in my social norms course. I also realized that even though I don’t consider myself much of a morning person there is a part of me that kind of likes how I feel after I get through that first “getting ready for the day” stage.

It’s possible that is my most productive time and I never knew it until now. I’m working out how to use it to my advantage considering normally I’m working hard at my day job then.

Anyway, my point is that nothing is ever as bad as I think it is or will be and I actually enjoy a lot more of my day-to-day life than I like to admit.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

038 // Doom and Gloom Mood

I’ve realized since I started writing these journal posts every night that I have a lot of bad days. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m just a negative person and I’m always focusing on the bad, or if it’s some kind of high-functioning depression maybe? Maybe I’m just so tired, or too sensitive, or maybe I’m in some kind of rut.

Maybe it isn’t a me thing per se but a human thing. Maybe the bad, the sad, the hurtful and the frustrating just have an easier time sticking with people through the end of the day.

Today was another bad day. It was a long, frustrating, and exhausting day. I felt lonely, and irritable, and angry. It was the weather, and the delayed school schedule, and the stupid rules at work. It was nobody I wanted to talk to having time for me and all the people I didn’t want to talk to wasting my time. It was the fatigue, and the joint pain, the cold and the snow. It was the traffic, and the news, and my own stupid mistakes.

But it couldn’t have been all bad. I don’t want to be anyway. I have to get back to seeing the good even on the worst days. I have to get out of this doom and gloom mood!


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren