050 // Getting Off the Couch

Today is for reading, and writing, and laundry…and Netflix. I’m hoping to be off the couch and in the “creativity room” by noon but I’m a realist. I know myself and on days like this, my will power is incredibly low. Without some further fortifying circumstances or substances, I have very little chance of winning this fight against myself.

I’ll give copious amounts of coffee a try, but I promise nothing.


I finished binge-watching The Umbrella Academy on Netflix and it was very good, can’t recommend it enough. Hopefully, season 2 isn’t too far away…sigh.

Afterward, I was able to force myself up and off the couch to clean, to write, and to mark a thing or two off of my to-do list. (Coffee did help!) I was too late to make it into the “creativity room” but tomorrow is another day, another chance.

And now, the long weekend is over. I’m off to bed early tonight because I know tomorrow morning will be hard. I’ve been staying up, sleeping in and doing exactly what I want every day since last Friday. Starting tomorrow I’m back to doing just what everyone else wants me to do and it won’t be easy, emotionally or physically.

Oh well, there’s less than four weeks left until Spring break.

The countdown begins.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

049 // It’s Good to Be Home

It feels good to be home, but not so good to have to go back to work and responsibility. I wish I’d gotten to stay away longer and that’s probably why I spent today doing very nearly nothing, and why I’ll have to spend tomorrow cleaning the house, doing laundry, and catching up on my reading and finishing a few blog posts and pages.

But tonight, I’m doing nothing. I’m lounging on the couch, wrapping myself in blankets and eating nothing but snacks. I’m binge-watching The Umbrella Academy on Netflix and wasting all my time on social media.

I promise not to regret a single thing.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

048 // Bittersweet Goodbyes

As I write this we are some hours still from home but in only a few minutes today will turn into tomorrow. I have no cell phone signal and when I get home I plan to sleep through most of the next day. I’ll post this and backdate it when I’m awake or whenever I remember.

Brunch this morning was bittersweet. It was sweet to be so surrounded by so much love, but it didn’t for a second ease the bitterness of our goodbyes.

I’m happy to have finally seen Texas, even if it was only a small part. I guess I saw that parts that were most important for me to see. It’s a place I thought I could never like but to see the palm trees and all that green in the middle of February was so beautiful and uplifting. The warmth and humidity did my skin and soul so much good and though the thought occurred to me, I will probably never live there.

Perhaps a visit every winter is all I need?


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

047 // Suprise!

Today is the day. We’ve been planning it for weeks and I spoke to no one out of fear of ruining everything. This weekend we—my mom, my youngest sister, my girlfriend, and I—drove all the way to Texas to surprise my our sister and her family for her 30th birthday celebration!

It was a long drive (over 15 hours!) and it’s going to be a long drive back starting tomorrow morning but it was so worth it. I only wish we had more time but with work and our poor pets back in Denver missing is we just couldn’t stay. Maybe next time when our jobs aren’t so pressing and the weather is warmer.

The party turned out beautifully and afterward, there was a late dinner to sit down and catch up properly. We’re going to bed late again but it can’t be helped. We have to fill the precious hours with as much as we can.

We miss each other more than we readily admit.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

046 // I’ll Tell You Tomorrow

It’s been a long day long day, but I can’t really tell you about it right now except to say that today was new, it was nerve-wracking, it was exhausting, and fun, and worth every minute, but I’ll never ever do it again, at least not like this.

And now I’m off to bed, far too late and dreading the next few nights of the same followed by mornings so early I barely know who or where I am or why the hell I’m even awake.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

045 // Riding Emotional Rollercoasters

Every day is an emotional roller coaster. From hour to hour I am swinging wildly from despair, drowning and wishing I’d never been born, or, if I had to choose the second best, longing to die soon, the next I’m loving every part of life and grieving an eternity I had no right to ever expect.

Is anyone else out there living at such extremes? Is it only me that sees so much good existing right alongside so much bad. Am I the only hopeless one overflowing with faith? Am I the only one suffering in loneliness and all the while loving and being loved so deeply? Is anyone else out there like me, prematurely grieving the inevitable loss of existence, the world, an entire species they cannot wait to be rid of?

P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you out there, both the coupled and the single. Valentine’s Day may be marketed as a holiday for lovers but the truth is love exists in many forms and every relationship deserves recognition and celebration.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

031 // The Story of Today

It was one of those days that contains a little of everything in your life. It was the kind of day that before you had actually lived it you never would have described as perfect, or good, or remarkable in any way. If it weren’t for this post forcing me to stop and think about it, I may have forgotten the day entirely by tomorrow.

But thinking about it now, there was good that felt really good and the kind of bad you feel proud to fight through and overcome. It was quite the battle, the struggle, and the victory. There was love, there was a little bit of tragedy, and there is even a happy ending too.

Today, it turns out, was actually kind of epic and beautiful. Maybe every day is?


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren