254 // Dividing and Balancing

The weather has improved today. More fall like than winter, which is an improvement over the past few days, but I’d prefer the warmth and sunshine of summer were back.

The week can’t pass by fast enough. I’m in one of those moods where I’d rather be anywhere else and doing anything else other than working. There is nothing particularly irritating or stressful happening at my day job. I just have so much more going on in my personal life and so much I need to do, for both myself and others, that anything I do here feels almost pointless.

I don’t want to feel that way though. I know my work is important and I have always felt fulfilled by it. I don’t want to lose that feeling or focus. I don’t want to always wish I was somewhere else. Doing my best work no matter what the task or goal has always been a source of pride for me and slipping into producing work of low quality or substance would result in profound disappointment in myself.

I suppose I have to work on dividing and balancing my work and home life, though I’ve never been a believer that the two are or should be separate. There is only life, and it happens to you all the time and wherever you are, but I guess some thoughts and emotions, worries and preoccupations must be cast aside from time to time so we might attend to other more urgent or important matters.

They may not even need to be cast aside, but simply allowed to come and pass without resistance or obsession.

Today was made of many small fortunes. The route I rode this morning was a long overdue reminder that this job can be both fun and rewarding if you put forth the effort to make it so. Of course, I knew that, but it’s been a long time since I felt it.

There was plenty of work to do around the office when I got back but none of it was hard and all of it made me feel proud and useful. There was time to read afterward and despite my fatigue I was still able to be cherry and social with my coworkers.

I took advantage of the rare opportunity to go home early today and promptly wasted it on an accidental nap. Oh well, it’s not like I’d have had the time on a normal day anyway and it’s not like I did nothing at all. Small chores and catching up on reading count for something, don’t they?

The evening is less easy but there is still good here too. I’m going off to bed only wishing we were further along in the workweek. As for the rest, I am content.