128 // Mourning Weather

We’re mourning yesterday’s loss and tragedy and the weather is certainly giving permission for us to do so. The clouds are thick and low, and a steady drizzle has been falling all morning. The cold has crept back into our bones and no one feels much like smiling, not outwardly, not in public.

Home is the safest place right now. I’m craving comfort food, big blankets, and an early bedtime. Tomorrow probably won’t be much better, but at least it won’t be today.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

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127 // Please, Wake Up

This morning we woke up to the news that a teenager had died in a shooting near our work last night. Last I heard the shooter was still at large.

Later in the day all of our schools went on “secured perimeter” lockdown as a school shooting happened in the next district over with reports now of 8 injured and one death.

Two shootings in a day. Too much death for one day.

Working at a school district in this day and age when guns are glorified and these tragedies are sensationalized is heartbreaking, confusing, and terrifying. We fear for our lives and we worry over our ability to assist and to stomach carnage, we might encounter one day.

Some of us have already been impacted by gun violence in the past and some of us have lost loved ones in mass shootings already firmly in the public memory by now. For them, and for all of us who feel like we are only waiting our turn, the cycle, the horrific repetition of death, drama, outrage, prayers, forgetting, and then more death, can feel like a nightmare we cannot wake up from.

I just want us to wake up now.

Please, wake up.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

126 // This Is My Fault Too

Today we made up for the lazy weekend and vowed to one another never to put off to weekday evenings what is best and most easily done on our days off. Lazy Saturdays are decadent and Sundays do encourage sloth but we have to stay strong and focused.

We have too much to do in just two short months before the wedding.

So, we had to rush around while exhausted from work doing things we could have had done already but it’s nice to have grown enough together not to blame or to lash out in frustration but to say instead “this is my fault too and this is what I will do to help us do better in the future”.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

125 // Better but Not Best

This was one of my better Sundays, though it wasn’t the best it could have been. I woke up late, but I stayed away from the couch and I tried my best to write though I was easily distracted. I spent too much time on small blog things and not nearly enough time on big projects.

I had a lot to do around the house too. A lot of cleaning I’d been neglecting and small things that needed fixing. I marked some domestic to-dos off the list but the list is never ending so the satisfaction isn’t really there. Still, it feels good to focus my attention on new and novel problems for a change.

In the evening I got ready for the week and did it more efficiently than ever before. I’m going to bed weightless and without the usual dread and despair. I’m almost looking forward to Monday now that I’ve gotten ahead of it somewhat.

P.S. I have a new social media menu up here that includes a link to both my Ko-fi and Patreon pages. There isn’t much I have up on either and not much I can offer supporters yet but take a look, follow, and check back soon. I’ll be adding and updating often.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

124 // A Wasted Day

I did nothing today. I wasn’t productive in any sense of the word. I laid on the couch, binge-watched dumb shows, and drank. I normally don’t regret such restful days, but this one was uncalled for. This one wasn’t for me. I didn’t rest because I needed it. I was lazy because I was weak willed. This can’t happen again.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

123 // The Most Friday Friday

We have the sun again today and through the weekend they say, but next week nearly every day rainstorms and clouds are forecasted. Monday it will start to rain. Tuesday: thunderstorms. Wednesday: rain. Thursday: rain and possible snow. Friday: scattered showers, and that’s as far as I got.

I rattled off the report to my fiance this morning while she got ready for work. Her reply: “Tuesday: depression. Wednesday: I hate my life. Thursday: sleep all day. Friday: jump off a building.” She was joking, of course, but her meaning was clear, the weather is getting to us all. Us Coloradoans aren’t built for this.

I’d hoped to take the day for myself, to hide out in a corner and read or write, but we had the sun today. Many of the schools were closed and a lot of my coworkers opted to stay home which made it a good day for projects so I changed my mind.

Those of us who came in took advantage of the relaxed atmosphere. We fired up the grill and made burgers and hot dogs for lunch. We hung out in offices we are normally barred from by propriety. We moved furniture around and took our turns making executive decisions.

It was a good Friday. It was the most “Friday” Friday I’ve had in a long time. I’m glad I chose to spend it out in the fresh air with people rather than in dark corners indoors by myself.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

122 // It Feels Like Friday

The sun came out today, finally. My mood is better but I still feel like being alone. I think I’ll need more time, and more warmth and fresh air, before I’m more like myself again.

Tomorrow many of our schools are out and that means many of my coworkers will be staying home. It’ll be quiet and since I’m already so close to overtime I shouldn’t have to do anything extra at all. Tomorrow is planned for me.

With so many people getting a 3-day weekend it feels like Friday around here. It feels happier, more hopeful, friendly. People are optimistic, more willing to to share and to say a kind word. We’re prone to laughter and excited to see one another again come Monday.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren