114 // Resistant

This morning, like yesterday, started later than I would have liked. I was out past my bedtime last night having an amazing night out with friends checking out the mind-bending and beautiful exhibit “Convergence Station” at Meow Wolf for a late birthday celebration.

As a result, I’m feeling resistant today. My body is still protesting my daily workouts and my social meter is depleted, but there are still events to attend and people to support. I want to, but I don’t want to. To be clear, I want to more than I don’t want to, but still…you know?

It helps to keep an irrationally positive outlook. It helps to ignore, for now, that resistance and prevent any possibility of wearing myself down to apathy.

What’s worse is the eagerness with which the workweek is waiting to begin. I’ve read news stories of school districts across the country moving to a four-day workweek, and I can hardly contain my jealousy. Two short days a week is not enough to run errands, visit family, complete projects, and rest—and not so much rest as in sleep, but just time not to think, not to worry, not to work at things that aren’t for me.

Much of my exhaustion is my own fault. April is my birthday month and I traditionally celebrate the entire month. I make time for special events with my wife, and my friends, plus multiple family dinners. I’ve pushed myself too far, but I don’t regret a second of it.

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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