If We Were Having Coffee // Better and Worse at Once

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m up early this morning but not as early as I’d wanted to be. I’m up so I can write before the day gets away from me, but I’m not writing as well as I’d like to be either. I’m tired and feeling the pressure of a headache about to arrive. The weather is depressingly grey and I want to go back to bed but there is too much to do for that, so I’m in a bad mood.

Coffee helps though, and so does good conversation, so I’m here hoping to leave better than I came and able to be useful, and productive. So, please, pull up and chair and fill up a cup. Let’s talk about last week.

She was made mostly of coffee and empty spaces.

— Adelise M. Cullens, Dead Bunnies Make All Eight Of Me Cry

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was a sunny and cheerful one. The rains of the week before gave way to summer-like sun and heat and every day felt like a Friday, a fact that sounded better than it felt. Perpetual Fridays lead to perpetual disappointment when you realize that you must still keep waking up and going to work the next day.

Still, the cheer was a nice change of pace. Our school year is ending in the coming week and we are all seeing the light, the relief, at the end of the tunnel.

My new office is no longer my fortress of solitude. We are all having to share and squeeze in for the summer as we move from two buildings to one while the main is being renovated. I love people, and my coworkers really can be great but being just to the introverted side of personality types means I get overwhelmed easily and need to retreat into quiet spaces to gather myself and correct my mood.

Unfortunately, it looks like I’ll be out of quiet spaces. I may have to substitute walks around the block on my breaks instead.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my job is sending me to another conference this summer. I’m sort of regretting the classes I signed up for because just about everyone else from my department is taking the same classes and I won’t be able to bring anything new to the table. I think tomorrow I might talk to my boss and see if it isn’t too late to change.

I also got the news that I would be teaching a class of new employees on my own for a whole week. I can’t even find the words to express how nerve-wracking this is but I’m kind of looking forward to it too. I’ll have a team to help me out and if all goes well, then…they ‘ll probably ask me to do it again and again. Maybe this isn’t a good thing after all?

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that on Friday night I met with my family and some of our oldest and closest friends to celebrate my youngest sister’s high school graduation.

Her school is a small one, a place for teenagers who have for whatever reason fallen behind and need a calmer, more supportive place to catch up. For this reason, her graduation ceremony was a small one as well. Only some 30 students or so graduated and that meant a quicker and much more intimate and emotional affair.

It was beautiful and seeing my baby sis up there getting her recognition was a beautiful and bittersweet thing. For one, she is the last of us and with her all our childhoods end. The one who is keeping us young is growing up herself.

There’s also my own envy. I didn’t graduate from high school. There was no ceremony, no party, no gifts, and no shining pride from my parents. There was exasperation, disappointment, and resignation. I made my choices. I take responsibility for them as far as I can knowing I was a child with a child’s mind and lacking the support I craved but I wish I’d had what my sister had. A school to give me what I needed and a big sister like me to show the way.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that wedding planning is getting both better and worse at once and I expect the trend to continue through the big day and I’m just hoping that we get through before both of us snap.

Yesterday we met with our officiant as well and I was able to deliver the bare bones edits of a script I’d put together (and by “put together” I mean “copied from the internet and pasted into a Google document”). She seemed to like it and I’ve given her permission to edit it and add her own words wherever she wanted.

We met with the planner today and I’m so glad I hired her. I worried that since we had already done so much that the added expense wouldn’t be worth it, but just today we walked away with “homework”, or, as I saw it, “a direction”. I’d been feeling lost. I’d been feeling overwhelmed and clueless about how to move forward, and she didn’t just point the way, but she promises to light the path as well.

This week the goal is mostly information sharing. I’m going to organize everything I have already done and try to get it to the planner so she can begin where I have left off. The next goal is music. I had no idea there were so many things I needed to pick songs for! I also need to follow up about my suit, our rings, and a few returns we’ve made, inquire about the ring bearer’s suit, and get the sign maker (my little sister) started on her project.

I have a lot coming up at work, at home, and for the wedding, but I am trying to make time still for reading, writing, and blogging.

It was a bad reading week so we won’t even go there. It was kind of a bad writing week too because I was so easily distracted by the warm weather, my good mood, and my need to be with, talk with, laugh with, people. It was, I think a good blogging week if you take into account “behind the scenes” things. It was a good week for organizing, reviving, designing, and of gathering small sparks and starts.

I’m cleaning up Zen and Pi by taking the more personal posts I’d had over there and hiding them. Part of me wants to take them down and resurrect them here again but another part of me wants to leave this place pristine in its separation from those first attempts just as I am trying to separate myself from what I want Zen and Pi to be, now.

I have a vague idea of the kinds of pieces I want to write there and an even vaguer idea of what my intention and mission is, but it’s growing more concrete and exciting. I’m keeping my expectations small and easy, a bi-weekly schedule for now and no endgame in sight.

There’s no intention to make money, gain notoriety or authority. I’m even moving on from the hope of an eventual book. I just want to write, that’s all. I want to write about what I believe and share it and nothing more, for now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, if I want to have everything ready in time for the big Game of Thrones finale, I had better get going. I’ve got laundry, and dishes, and dinner, and a little cut-and-paste project I’ll post here later if I get around to actually making it, all before I can allow the weekend to end.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope it’s getting warm where you are and spring continues to give you what you need to grow, to bloom, to become what you will be this season.

Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

One thought on “If We Were Having Coffee // Better and Worse at Once”

  1. Your weeks are always SO busy! I don’t know how you do it! I bet there’s a lot to think about with the upcoming wedding. I hope everything goes as the two of you imagine it to be. Have a fabulous week!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.