If We Were Having Coffee // It Turned Out Beautifully

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

It’s late I know, and I know I’ve missed the last few coffee dates already, but I hope you will understand life has been more than a little chaotic lately. As we neared our wedding day I had to devote more and more time to planning and last-minute changes and decisions. Then, a little over a week ago we finally did it! We said our vows and ever since I’ve been living in a glowing bubble, but things are slowly calming down and I am slowly coming back to reality. I slowly learning to make time for me and all the things I enjoy again.

So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. It has been extremely hot around here lately so it’ll be cold brew coffee over ice as usual and we’ve made the switch from soy to almond milk. I hope you don’t mind. It’s been a long time and I have so much to tell you. Let’s talk about last week!

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

If we were having coffee, I would tell you again because it hardly feels real. I got married last Saturday, and it was the most beautiful experience of my life.

Of course, things went wrong, and of course, it still turned out perfectly. For weeks I had been checking the weather for our day and for weeks the forecasts predicted sun and temperatures so high I worried about my guests getting heat exhaustion during the ceremony, but just two or three days before the big day the forecasts began to shift rapidly from 30% chance of rain to near-certain thunderstorms the morning of. By the afternoon, just as we pulled up to prepare for our first look large raindrops began to fall steadily. The sky darkened, and we heard thunder rumbling closer.

I waited on a small bridge facing our photographer, chatting and silently praying the rain would stop. She kept me facing her as my wife-to-be walked toward us. When I felt her steps on the bridge behind me I turned and saw her looking more stunning than I had ever seen her. I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by her beauty and by my relief at having her near me again, and all around us, the rain picked up its pace.

As we worked our way through the family formals, the lightning moved closer; the thunder kept getting louder, and very quickly we realized the area wasn’t safe. Of course, on the other side of the park, our planner had just finished setting up the chairs and decor for our outdoor ceremony, my dream ceremony.

We headed into the rec center nearby and wait out the rain, but the rain only continued to fall harder and faster. After the parking lot began to flood, I knew we couldn’t wait it out. I very reluctantly made the call to our planner who very quickly agreed we should move everything indoors. I was devastated. We had to reach out to our entire guest list and give them new directions. Our timeline was in shambles and my vision for the day was ruined.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as down as I was about the change of plans, our ceremony actually turned out beautifully. In a way, it was a blessing. As much as I wanted that open, sunny, outdoor ceremony, I think the ceremony we ended up with was so much better. Our venue was small, dark, and honestly had much better sound and lighting. We kept it dim and everyone sat very close and it felt so serious, special, and intimate. It really set the mood for the evening.

After our ceremony, we had dinner, which was delicious, and speeches, which were all heartfelt and heartwarming. We cut the cake, danced with our parents, danced with each other and then danced with everyone we could, but there wasn’t enough time. Before we knew it, the night was over and we were being ushered off to our hotel. It was a whirlwind. It was wonderful. I’m so glad it’s over and at the same time, I very badly want to do it all over again.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that besides the vows and the party the best part was having all our friends and family come celebrate with us.

In the week leading up to the wedding, we had our closest family members come in. My wife’s (God, it feels good to say that) sister and her boys, my sister, her husband, and her two kids, and my very pregnant sister and her very sweet boyfriend came to visit us and having them here along with my brothers too made the day feel like it was about more than just us. We felt supported. We felt important. We felt loved, not just by each other, but by a whole community of people. We felt exactly the way I hoped we would.

And now they’ve all gone back to their home states and more than anything I just want them back. I wish, more than anything that we didn’t all have to live so far away.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the relief of not having to plan a wedding anymore was almost worth the stress of planning!

The next morning I woke up, and I didn’t have to decide one thing. I didn’t have to make any calls or send any emails. I didn’t have to worry about the weather, or the timeline, or the seating. I woke up, and I wasn’t nervous or irritated. I woke up, and I was married and I didn’t have to do anything at all. It was the best I had felt in months.

It’s been great but returning to normal life hasn’t been easy either. I’m still recovering from all the wedding planning and the big day itself. I wasn’t able to take care of myself very well in the weeks and days leading up to the wedding and though I’m a week out, I’m still trying to reverse some bad habits. I’m not sleeping or eating well, and I’m consuming far too much caffeine. I haven’t been taking my medication consistently at all and I can feel my health going slowly downhill.

Now that I have returned to day-to-day worries I have to make space to worry about myself again too.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that married life so far is strange and wonderful and familiar. Nothing has changed but everything has changed. Or maybe everything has only grown. We’ve become closer and better. We’re even more us than we were before. I didn’t even think that was possible.

It might be temporary but I doubt it. We’ve been together for 17 years now. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs and I think overall we will only keep growing closer to one another. Getting married, for me anyway, has just meant more validation and security. It’s safety and when you are safe, you can grow. That is what the next stage is.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s getting pretty late. The sun went down a long time ago and though I’m not tired at all; I know I have to try to get to bed if I want to try to get to work in the morning.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you have enjoyed your summer, and that you found time to do something beautiful, heartwarming, and bigger than you too.

Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Linda Rose on Unsplash

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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