If We Were Having Coffee // Making Time for Myself

Hello, happy Sunday and welcome! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I woke up early this morning after a much-needed, and quite elusive, good night’s sleep. I’m up, but I’m not particularly motivated, so it’s still a slow start. The chill in the air doesn’t help and though I feel rested the warmth of the bed is still tempting me back. I miss summer already, or I miss summer mornings, theses cooler afternoons have been much-appreciated. For now, I’m on the couch, wrapped in blankets and finishing a hot cup of green tea before I move on to the hard stuff.

So, pull up a chair and grab yourself a cup. I filled the Moka pot with blond roast grounds and when it’s done; I have sweet vanilla almond milk to pour over top. Let’s talk about last week!

“That’s something that annoys the hell out of me—I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t.”

J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week didn’t turn out at all the way I thought it would.

I expected a very busy week but every morning I went in to work my schedule changed. Some work was canceled, other work got more complicated and difficult. The routes I went on often had no regular driver or assistant so both the driver thrown on it for that day and I were effectively the blind leading the blind. Luckily I am good at this. I have a system utilizing all the information I have on a student and google maps to get us, and the kids, where we need to go.

Most of the training I was supposed to do ended up getting postponed and then canceled altogether but rather than having guilt-free hours to do as I please I ended up having to hustle for work to justify the pay. Struggling to find ways to contribute was more tiring than any work I ended up finding to do. My hope is that next week will not necessarily be easier but that the work I am expected to do will be laid out a lot more neatly for me.

On a related note, thank god for my coworkers, who are also my friends, and who support me and keep me laughing. They keep me sane.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that what I really right now is a good night’s sleep, or rather, more than one night of rest in a row, please?

I’ve been complaining about it for a while now, I know, but I promise you I am trying to find a solution but it’s hard without knowing what the problem is. I suspect anxiety but I can’t be sure. I hope fixing the issue can be as easy as a lifestyle and diet change but I’m open to medication if neither helps. For now, I’m on an array of supplements both for my ulcerative colitis and to aid in sleeping. I’m taking iron, magnesium, zinc, calcium, vitamin D, and peppermint oil. I’m trying to read more and to have a real bedtime routine. This week I’ll watch my caffeine intake, out into the sun during my lunch break, and taking melatonin up to an hour before bed.

Other than feeling like a zombie most days I’m doing okay. I’m still dealing with a lot of stress and worrying constantly about my loved ones, but it’s getting better, slowly. We’re getting to a tipping point where the time for worrying will be over and action will be taken. I like the action part of any crisis because it means eliminating things that can be worried about. Once an action is taken there’s no use in worrying anymore. You can finally relax and wait for the chips to fall where they may. I can’t wait to finally take some action.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’M AN AUNT AGAIN! My sister gave birth to her first child on Tuesday, a girl, and though I couldn’t get down to South Carolina for the birth, I’m going to go out there the first chance I get to meet my new niece. I am very excited for her and for our family. She is so cute and I know my sister and her boyfriend are so happy.

I’m hoping that this new life will bring us all closer together. Many of my sibling and I didn’t grow up together in the same households, in the same cities, or even the same states. One of us was born in a whole different country. We have different mothers and fathers and we grew up in different socioeconomic levels and learned different norms. We lead wholly different lives now but there is always something that ties us all together. We long to feel like family. We long to be the family our parent’s weaknesses wouldn’t let us be. As the oldest I feel like it’s my job to keep us together, but it’s a big job and I don’t always do it well but the next generation is here and growing and we all have to do better by them. We have to feel like a family.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I was much better at making time for myself this week. I spent my lunches away from my desk reading and working on my Coursera lessons. I was clear about being “off the clock” and warned that any work imposed on me would result in overtime pay. I didn’t give my time or attention for free and guarded both fiercely. 

I wish I had spent more time listening to music and podcasts. I didn’t write as much as I wanted to but switching my mind from work mode to writing mode was hard. The reading and lessons were much easier. My only disappointment was that when I got home in the evenings, I let laziness get the better of me though and never made it into my “creativity room”.

It’s hard to have any will power by then when I am so tired and stressed. The living room is comfortable. It’s where I go to turn my mind off, to be with my wife, the dog, the cat, to catch up on our favorite shows, to stretch out and to do nothing for a change. It’s an easy, peaceful place to be but I so often regret my time there. This week I’m going to continue to work on these bad habits.

I haven’t been exercising lately either, another thing I am supposed to be doing after work. It’s hard when you have to cook too and then get right into getting ready for the next day, but a 20-minute jog or simple bodyweight workout shouldn’t be impossible especially now that the weather has cooled off so much.

Still, I don’t want to be too hard on myself. There were so many little things I did this week that for me took bravery and focus. Eating well, taking all of my medication, advocating for myself, making my boundaries clear, not compromising my principles, just to name a few. I stood up with others and for others and I took care of my loved ones. I liked who I was this week and though it’s becoming a more and more regular feeling, it’s still a difficult and rare one to achieve.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s time for me to get to the laundry, the dishes, and the meal prep plans for the week. It’s time to get up off the couch, to pour another cup of coffee, open the blinds and start the day. It’s time for less talking and more doing.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you made some small progress, that you were given good news, and that you made time for you. I hope wherever you are the summer heat has faded but the winter cold is still far away. I hope it’s simply autumn.

Until next time.

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo courtesy of Barn Images


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

One thought on “If We Were Having Coffee // Making Time for Myself”

  1. I hope you find a way to get the exercise into your schedule. It really helps me. My biggest challenge now is the air quality in the city I live in. I love exercising outdoors, but I cannot do it here. I need to get out of the city, which I can in the weekends, but in the weekdays its hard. I wish you all the best for your new week! Thank you for the coffee!


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