I wish I hadn’t slept in so much but I also know I desperately need the rest. I’m still dealing with a sore throat but every morning it’s a little better and today I seem to have a little more of the energy I’ve missed. We’re attending a birthday party for a friend later so I’m trying to get all of my little to-do’s done and a decent nap in before late afternoon.

My wife: Let’s start over. Something is wrong with us today.

My mood is all bad. I’m anxious and on edge. I won’t know many people at the party we’re going to and it’s making me nervous. I’m worried I will do or say something stupid. I always do, I think, but I still have to go. This is important. These people are important to us and it’s important to us to show up for them the way they have for us before.

And I know that when my mind tells me I’m going to mess up. When I think I am going to say something stupid or make an ass of myself, that it is my mind lying to me. The truth is, I will probably have a great time and people are more than likely going to like me just fine. And the truth is, despite the good time I will agonize over every word I say tonight for the next week at least, and I still have to do it.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.