I’m back at work and feeling very conflicted about it. I’m feeling better than yesterday but I really wish I could rest for a substantial stretch of time without the guilt and the lost wages. But as far as work days typically go, this one, despite the physical and mental impact of chronic illness, isn’t so bad.

I’ve contacted my doctor and we are going to lengthen the time that I am on the steroids in order to give me the best chance to recover right now. I’m not happy about it, steroids come with devastating long-term effects, but I’m not happy with the way the way things have been improving (or not) up until now either. Something has got to give. Something has got to change. A sacrifice must be made.

For now, for today at least, I’m giving myself what I need most—time to process. I have a long lunch ahead of me, the impeachment hearings playing through my headphones, and magazines to make cut out poems of. It’s still a good day.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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