I could easily go right back to bed right now. Unfortunately, I’m already at work out in the cold and growing ngrier by the minute about it.

My energy levels are still very low and it hit me that these past few weeks that I’ve been waking up so early and getting so much done, working out and focusing so we’ll we the tasks at hand, none of that was me. It was my medication.

Now that I am coming off of it I’m slowly returning to my old default. This version of me, the exhausted and irritable one, the unfocused and unmotivated one, the frustrated and disappointed one, that one is the real me.

But knowing, or remembering, this also made me realize that I do not want to go on with this pity party any more. This is the reality and all I can do is face it and do what I can with it. I want stop focusing so much on what I can’t do and spend a lot more time focusing on what I can do and what I have done. I can’t make myself have more energy but I can change my expectations and my perspective.

Everything counts and trying is all that matters now.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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