The sky is clear and the weather is warming up but for despite my desperate need for fresh air and sunshine I’m just too tired to make it out of the house today. I need a day to do nothing. I want to stay in bed. I was to wear my pajamas until it’s time to change into new pajamas. I want to tune out and forget responsibilty, obligation, “have to”, and “should. I’m not looking at my to-do list or my calendar, hell, I’m not even looking at social media. I don’t want to see anyone’s else’s activities, accomplishments, or motivational reminders.

Today is still a good day though. I’m not feeling depressed or down, just a little burned out and, honestly, I just miss my wife.

Sometimes I get too caught up in my day job and I’m too protective of the time I can claim for myself, and she does the same and we forget or take for granted that time needs to be made for us too. When we forget for too long my body lets me know. Every once in a while I’m stuck by an intense loneliness that is specific to her. It’s a pain that can only be soothed by being near her and knowing I am seen and loved.

That is what today is for and I know it’s ore important than anything else I could make or check off of a list.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.