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I feel like absolute crap today. The sinus pain is nearly unbearable and the speed at which it’s reached this severity is seriously concerning me. It doesn’t help that I barely slept last night too. I was up all night with throbbing pain in my sinuses, my jaw, and even my teeth hurt!

When I woke up this morning, my face was swollen in the weirdest places. It seems so strange (and scary) that just a few days ago I felt on the mend and now it seems like I’m worse off than I began!

I don’t think this is all down to this cold I’ve been fighting. I think a large part of this icky feeling is the infusion and the new medication I started on Tuesday. I think either this is a direct side effect, or it has indirectly made the cold/throat infection worse. My hope is for the latter. I certainly can’t deal with this after every infusion for the rest of my life (or until the medication fails me like all the others).

Productivity-wise I’m completely useless. I feel so bad my coworkers can see it on my face and are imploring me to go home but I can’t, or I won’t. I have missed too much work, and life, as it is lately. I’m going to tough it out through to the weekend.

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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.