Everything is changing so fast and in ways I couldn’t have imagined a week or two ago. I feel as though I’m living in shock, in limbo, and always on the edge of something worse and more frightening. Very little is within my control anymore, and life is becoming less and less predictable every day.

It’s hard not to be so aware. I’m trying to limit how much news and social media I consume, but not knowing what is happening every minute is hard to cope with. Watching my favorite movies helps, and finding tasks to complete. I did our taxes, made some phone calls, finished the laundry and worked on my to-do/logbook system and schedule. I still planned our meals for the week and I’ll prep our breakfasts for the next 4 or 5 days too. I’m trying to keep to some semblance of my old schedule.

Tomorrow I have a CPR Instructors class. I called the center today to confirm it hadn’t been cancelled and when he told me it was still on, I felt disappointed and a little afraid. Even with all the precautions, I’m still weary of going out. I know that for many the virus presents with mild symptoms, but not for all. I’m worried about catching the virus, of being hospitalized, of not being able to breathe. At the same time, I have every intention of attending my movie party tomorrow night, so I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective and priorities.

Update: My movie party has been canceled. The theater chain announced tonight that nearly all of their locations across country were closing down and even if they hadn’t the Governor called for all restaurants, bars, movie theaters, gyms, and coffeehouses closed for 30 days, anyway. I know why it had to happen, but I’m heartbroken. It was the one bright spot in the next two+ weeks of dystopian hell.


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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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