217 // Looking Ahead

Today seems like it will be another good day. If I’m honest, the morning was a hard one, but after the first few hurdles, and thanks to a 15 minute meditation session, I was able to get out the door with my enthusiasm for life intact.

I’m back at work which, despite some initial hiccups and irritations, failures and fumblings, feels really good.

It’s the first day when many of our employees will be coming in to work since early March, and the juxtaposition of excitement next to fear is disconcerting. I’m excited to see everyone to catch up to feel a part of this community again, but being crammed into one building like this is making social distancing hard. As the day drags on two halves are warring in my mind. I do not want to get sick. I probably will not get sick. But what if I I get sick? I will not get sick. Will I?

Health-wise I’m feeling better but I’ve been tracking the patterns in everything everything from my work days, my meals, my medications, my sleep, my energy levels, and my moods, and I know that a good today means a bad day tomorrow. I’m not needed as much right now which feels like both a blessing and an offense but I need the rest so I gather my pride and asked for the day off.

Looking ahead, the week feels already over. Like a paycheck earmarked for bills and groceries, my time feels spent before I get it. I’ve got webinars and virtual trainings on my plate as well as writing, writing, writing. I’m feeling super avoidant and I have a feeling that come the weekend no real progress will have been made so I’m saying it here and hoping that the intention, the visibility, and the accountability will move me to overcome myself and make something.

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Hello! I'm an aspiring writer fascinated by the human condition. You can find much of my work on my personal blog and at Zen and Pi. I also tweet as @lisamarieblair_ and share pictures and poetry on Instagram. Please consider signing up for my newsletter or supporting what I do by sharing a cup of virtual coffee. Thank you!

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