Goals // Week 50: Start Small

This week will be another condensed one. The district I work for has decided to continue with 100% remote learning at least through the new year so though I’m still expected to work there is little to do and the hours are greatly reduced. I’m not complaining at all. I still get paid and there are many more hours I get to claim as my own.

So, this week I’m going to take some steps toward returning to my old life. My new medication and treatment plan are working wonders, and with the addition of a myriad of supplements, I hope to only go on improving more and more.

The sudden influx of energy makes me feel as if my mind has been rebooted, reformatted, and my whole perspective realigned. I am no longer forced to focus solely on the body. I now have the luxury of problem solving, planning, reflection, and abstract contemplation. I can think again.

This week I’d like to put that energy and focus to good use. This week I’d like to start small and write one thing, read one thing, and plan for one project in the future. I’m not expecting anything big. If that one thing is only a sentence, a chapter, or a line in the calendar, I’ll count the week as a success.

This week I will:

Meditate every morning. Some months ago, I embarked on a journey to cultivate a daily meditation habit. I’d been doing well, managing to wake up early every morning for weeks to fit in 10 minutes of breath and body, but as my illness got worse my mornings became too difficult to expect more than the bare minimum before work. Now that I am feeling better and waking up easily with the alarm again, it’s time to get back to the basics before I start the “Headspace 365” course in the new year.

Read before bed every night. I’ve been doing really well making time each day for a few pages, but this week I’d like to set some more specific goals. I’m on book ## of my Penguin Little Black Classics, and I’d like to finish the 50 pages before Friday. I’m also slowly working my way through Simone de Beauvoir’s tome, The Second Sex. I don’t expect to finish it anytime soon, but I’d like to find myself 100 pages ahead of where I am at today come the weekend.

Go for a walk. I’ve set reminders on my phone through the first part of the week to make sure I get outside and enjoy the weather. I’m sure the sun and that warmth will do wonders for my mood and go a long way toward helping me heal. The second part of the week won’t be as conducive to outside activities, but I’ve recently acquired a treadmill and though it will have to be indoors, the act of getting up and moving my body is a good idea no matter where I am.

Write one long form blog post. I have a writing schedule kind of mapped out, all I need now is a list of topics and I can start writing more regularly. I’d like to try this week to get 500 or 1000 words down toward a blog post. I miss the kind of blogging I used to do when I first started, and I’ve been trying for a long time to find my way back. This week I just have to spend a little time every day organizing some thoughts, then muster the courage to finish and hit publish.

Write for me. A few weeks ago, I dug out my old Moleskine journal. I hadn’t written in it since before the pandemic, and trying to find a way to begin again felt impossible. How can I wrap up the last 10 months of my life and then get on as if I have been documenting my thoughts this whole time? The reality is, I can’. I have to move on and begin again, no matter how ugly or strange it may look or feel.

This week I won’t let the pandemic, or worries about the future get me down. There is no particular anxiety or fear I can point to or solve, but instead a general cloud of uncertainty and frustration that leaves me despondent and evermore irritable. I’m no longer happy at home or work because hardly anything is in my control and what is doesn’t seem to matter much.

But I’ve realized more is in my control than I could see because I was stuck in an old way of thinking about the world and work. I’m angry and a bit afraid when I have to work and that makes me give up on my projects and tasks before I’ve begun, but this week I will start by accepting this reality and instead of trying to do the same work I always have I’ll find new projects and ways to thrive and succeed.

And when I’m not at work, which has been a lot more time than in the pre-pandemic days, I won’t wallow in what could be and isn’t, what I want and can’t have, or where I wish I was and can’t be. I’m going to keep this list and my priorities close and hand and heart and spend the hours doing what I know will make me proud comes the week’s end.


Photo by Bailey Zindel on Unsplash

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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