235 // Waves of Uncertainty

It’s been an emotional start to the morning, but as the hours pass and daylight makes its way into the shadows cast, I find I’m able to process and by mid-morning nothing looked as bad as it had at before sunrise.

It’s hard not to be able to help those you love. It’s harder still to stick to your principles. Giving too much feels as bad as not giving at all. So, how do you know when to stop? How do you know where to draw the line and how do you steel yourself against your own guilt?

The new week began before I was ready and the end, I’m sure, will come long after I need it to. I’m emotionally preparing for the person I will become when exhaustion settles in and I’m worn to the nerves by work. On a positive note, I’m learning to ride the waves of uncertainty and trust my competency to see me through.

I’m spending much of the midday reorganizing my to-do lists and notes. I have paper notes spread across three notebooks and countless post-its. I have digital notes and drafts spread across three different apps. I have lists and tasks in my calendar, in a tasks app, and scribbled on scraps of paper overfilling the pockets of various bags and bottoms. It’s a mess!

I’m moving to one to-do list stored in Google Tasks. All other lists will become notes in Google Keep along with blog post drafts. Drafts are sorted by date started and become blog posts as the drafts above them are written and published. All notebooks are for the deeply personal. They are worries to release and love letters to leave behind. They are for me alone until I leave this life, and then they will be for those who loved me most.

The digital is for the future.

The analog is for the past.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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