If We Were Having Coffee // Celebrate Your Beautiful Selves

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m sorry for the late meeting but I had some early wedding things to do and pressing preparations to make for our upcoming Pridefest plans. After I got home from the appointments, shopping, and family visits I inadvertently fell asleep for over an hour. When I woke up (with a headache, a stomachache, and some doubts about what time or day it was) cooking dinner was out of the question. So, there was a quick run for beer and hot wings and then a new episode of HBO’s Big Little Lies, and now I am finally ready for a small cup of strong coffee and a bit of vanilla bean ice cream to go with.

So, quickly now, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. I’ve got a gorgeous new white moka pot I’ve been experimenting with and I think I finally have the right technique down. Let’s talk about last week.

“Black as night, sweet as sin.”

— Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys


If we were having coffee I would apologize for missing our chat last Sunday. I’ll be honest with you, I have no good excuse for not being here. I didn’t have any critical commitments, and I wasn’t at all sick. I just haven’t been feeling like myself lately.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling unmotivated and irritated. I’ve felt really tired and doing anything, even the things I love, got harder and harder to do as the days wore on. Last Sunday, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get up the motivation to finish typing up the post no matter how much I wanted to and I promise you I wanted to very much.

The problem is fatigue. I feel a strange exhaustion in my limbs and behind my eyes that I just can’t shake. Though it’s true, I haven’t been sleeping well I know that this kind of tired needs more than a good night’s rest. I think my medicine, though it’s working and keeping my ulcerative colitis in remission, is also making me feel rather cruddy.

My doctor mentioned months ago exploring the idea of lowering the dose of one medication and I’ve noticed many in my IBD support groups going down to a lower dose on the second medication I’m on. I think it’s time I put my anxiety aside and ask her to consider the option. I’d love to find out who I am with less of this stuff in my body.


If we were having coffee, I would lighten the mood and tell you that this weekend marks the beginning of a very important month for me, pride month! This year’s pride marks 50 years since the Stonewall riots in New York City and the beginning of the LGBT Rights movement in the United States.

Most years we either do a night out with friends or catch the parade just the two of us but this year we are going to do it all. This year we’ll visit the festival during the day to check out some shows, and then head to our favorite LGBT friendly restaurant for burgers and beers. That evening we’re going to get some much-needed dancing and drinking in. On Sunday we may meet late again since I’ll be up early for the parade and brunch, the gayest meal of the day. I have a new outfit and a great and diverse group of friends to celebrate my beautiful self with. I cannot wait!

The rest of the day will be devoted to dads though we’ve made no concrete Father’s Day plans or gifts. I’ve been so last minute on everything this year, sigh. 


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that wedding planning is going well. We got a few more of our decor items in the mail and many of my accessories are on the way. We got the budget under control and we found out that we may have a few extra dollars in the savings to splurge in new areas we thought we couldn’t. We may get to have a real DJ and a couple nights at an Airbnb nearby. 

Today’s visit with the photographer went really well! This was the first time we met her and we already like her. She seems to understand what we want, and she’s flexible enough to deal with our indecision. We have yet to meet the second photographer but just knowing we have her and our amazing planner has me breathing a big sigh of relief. 

The big issues now are transportation—of us and of all the pretty decor things we have made—and that serious lack of guests RSVPing. I’m almost hurt. I am hurt, but we have a few friends we had to leave out due to the venue capacities that might want to make it. I wonder what my relationship with those who declined will be like after the big day, after the most important day and they didn’t show up.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the coming week will be a busy one. I’m attending another conference though only for three days this time. I’m looking forward to it but because my job sent nearly everyone in our department it feels a little pointless for me to be there, but what do I care? I get paid by the hour and this is at least a chance to do something new.

The only drawback is that I won’t be getting home as early as I was and writing and reading time will take a significant hit. Not that I have been doing a great job lately, anyway. I have been cleaning up my Simplenote app and organizing some of my old ideas into new possibilities. I’ve decided to start an essay a week project in July and without a good place to keep things organized and to hold my thoughts as they occur to me I know I’m doomed to fail.

I don’t know yet if every essay will be posted here, or if I want to write some for Zen and Pi, my old blog I’ve been trying to work out how to revive, or if they will be pitched to other publications. My instincts tell me that for now, these pieces are going to suck and this place is where I give myself permission to suck.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I love chatting with you here it is getting late and if I want to have any chance of a good night’s sleep and any hope of a good morning I had better head to bed. 

I hope that you had a good week and that whatever you hoped to get done you were able. I hope you found time for yourself and that some of that weight you carry has been lifted somehow. I hope all my queer readers stay safe and I hope wherever you are you are able to celebrate your beautiful self soon too.

Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Featured image via domestikate

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2 thoughts on “If We Were Having Coffee // Celebrate Your Beautiful Selves

  1. You made a strong comeback Lisa Marie ! It’s a good thing to take a break hen you feel that you need to. A wedding is indeed a major happening in ones life, and can be mentally exhausting. (I’ve been married once, or twice..) It awesome that you’re feeling comfortable with the photographer, that is so important. I hope that your new week is fabulous! Thanks for the coffee, it was delicious!

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  2. Good to “hear your voice” 🙂 I’ve been super inconsistent in my reading, writing, and commenting of and on blogs for way.too.long now so your one week break is more than excused 😉

    Glad you’re doing our best to take care of you in the middle of all the excitement! Self-care is where it’s at, especially when planning for a wedding! And hey, I’ll tell you what, your relationships *will shift a bit based on who shows up for you and who doesn’t…and you may be sad about one or two…legit sad. We were at our wedding and we had one *huge heartbreaker. But also, know and trust that who *does show up is absolutely meant to be there and allow yourself to soak up every last drop of pure love and joy from those in attendance ❤

    Happy Pride!!!

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