138 // Just Two More Months

Well, I didn’t make the 6:00 AM weekend writing wake up time exactly on the dot, but being only 15 minutes late or so after forgetting to set the alarm entirely is quite an accomplishment and I’ll take it.

This morning I’m posting early because a very busy day is on the way and after it starts, I won’t have any time for me until I’m too tired to think anymore.

Last night we found out there is a place giving discount vaccinations, microchips, and registration for dogs so Lola is going to a surprise vet visit this morning, poor thing. After that we’re going shopping for more wedding things, then meeting with our officiant, who is also my cousin, to discuss the script over coffee, and then well go back out for more wedding shopping.

This week will mark just two more months until our big day. I’m starting to believe the hardest part of marriage is being “almost married”.


P.S. Lola did great getting her shots. She’s quite a nervous dog, and I worried she would bark or whine the whole time, or worse try to bite other dogs or people, but she turned out to be one of the most well behaved of all the dogs there. I’m a very proud fur mom today!

Advertisements

If We Were Having Coffee // Beginning the Birthday Celebrations

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m exhausted this weekend. The week has been long and though I got through it fine—with the help of pure determination and copious amounts of caffeine—but my body has come to its limit and crashed. Yesterday I could hardly leave the couch. Today is better but not by much. Coffee helps and being able to take the day slowly keeps the threat of a bad mood at bay.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. It’s day’s like this I miss a good strong espresso but two or three cups from the Moka pot should provide the same results.

Let’s talk about last week.

“When I get up early, I appreciate the quiet time to enjoy a coffee or water my plants.”

― Christina Tosi


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week started off low-key but by the end, I was exhausted and stressed out of my mind.

I had expected a slow work schedule but by Tuesday my boss was telling me that a new class of employees would start and I’d have to give up the free time I’d hoped to spend on reading and writing and put it to use for work instead.

To be honest though, the work wasn’t bad. This class was a good one, collectively both smart and entertaining. I was even happy to see that they were all women.

It’s certainly rewarding to train people who struggle and who, through your help, come to understand and excel at their job, but there’s nothing like the refreshing feeling of teaching people who get it right away, who can easily understand your mind and reasoning and align their train of thought and belief to yours automatically.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that despite all the stress and the work I have been feeling so much better lately. I have some of my old natural energy back and I’m feeling like my old self too.

I’ve been on my new medication for a little over a week now and while I don’t know for sure that the sudden improvement is because of the medicine but the timing matches up. Other explanations can be the sudden return of Spring and the aforementioned increased anxiety. Either way, I’m finally feeling good, mostly.

The energy seems to come and go suddenly. One minute I’m ready to keel over and sleep wherever I am and the next I’m bouncing off the walls. I’m struggling to get out of bed and get ready in the morning but by my usual nap time I’m ready to go for a run or do some jumping jacks. I’m talking fast and jumping from one subject to another mid sentence for no reason and as soon as someone needs me to make a decision or complete a task my mind is powering down and refusing to work.

I’m trying not to get too frustrated. Energy levels that fluctuate are better than energy levels that stagnate. I’m grateful to have moved from the latter to the former, I just wish I had more warning, or that the changes were more gradual so I could plan and shift accordingly.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that on Friday we had a big party at work for one of my bosses who has accepted a new position at another district. We are all very happy for her, of course, but the occasion was palpably bittersweet.

I think every work place has that one employee that always comes in with a smile. Every company has someone who seems to run on endless energy and who never tires of their day-to-day drudgery. THis person can sometimes annoy us. Sometimes we are sure something must be deeply wrong with them, but no matter what we think this person doesn’t care. They go on making the office their home and treating everyone like family.

The boss who left, she was one of those people and now that she is going we all realize that there will be quite a big hole left behind. There is no one else who has the same persistence, the same joy, the same way of making us all feel good the way she did and we know that as good as this opportunity will be for her, all of us will be left behind and left worse off by her going.

Morale may be headed off a cliff if someone doesn’t step up and step into those shoes soon.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there has been more big wedding planning progress made.

My fiance went wedding dress shopping and, from what I have been told, found the dress of her dreams! We aren’t sticking to many traditions but she’s adamant that I not see her dress until the big day. I’m okay with that, though I felt admittedly jealous I missed all the fun. At the same time I’m so happy that she found the perfect dress the first time she went looking.

We also have new rings on the way. Both of us have engagement rings but one is the wrong size, and the other isn’t of the best quality so we’ve opted for new ones that match (without being identical) and that we know will last a lot longer than our first set.

We got our catering proposal. It isn’t exactly what we had in mind, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. The options are growing on us and after a few tweaks we may be able to finally move on to the smaller but much more numerous items.

Invitations will go out within a week or two and after that, one way or another, we are putting on this event. There is no turning back now which is both encouraging and terrifying.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the coming week will be the start of my birthday celebrations. I don’t have very big plans this year, just a day at the museum, a few dinners, and a night of dancing.

I have plans for a small sisters only dinner on Friday and on Saturday here is a huge Leonardo da Vinci exhibit at the Museum of Nature and Science I have been dying to see. Sunday we’ll be in the foothills doing a mini engagement photo shoot for our wedding website.

The weekend after this I’m planning a big dinner for all of my friends and a night out dancing at our favorite gay nightclub. I’m excited but this is the first year that my birthday is not the biggest event I am planning. The wedding has eclipsed everything.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the caffeine wore off a long time ago, and my willpower is waning as well. I need to lie down for a nap before the evening falls and I have to begin preparing for the week.

I hope your week was a good one. I hope that you are well and that the passing of the first quarter of the year finds you with much accomplished and leaves you with motivation and inspiration to carry you through the season.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

081 // Wedding Progress and Us

We made some big decisions today. We’ve booked a photographer, two photographers actually! We have moved forward with a caterer though the price tag was shocking at first. And we’ve decided to have someone close to us, someone without whom we would never have even known each other, officiate our ceremony. It’ll be more work but it is one of the very few decisions the just felt right.

After all that wedding work we left for our movie date. We saw Us, the new horror film from Jordan Peele. It was good and you should definitely see it, but I don’t have the words to explain why. I’m still processing it. It’s more than what you see in the trailers. It’s more than a horror film. That’s all I know.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

075 // I Want to Feel Like a Bride Too

We worked on a few wedding things tofay the most significant of which is that I may have finally figured out what I am wearing.

It’s hard being a genderqueer bride, you know? I don’t want to wear a dress but I still wantwto feel like a bride. I want to wear a suit that has a slightly feminine feel to it. I found a floral print suit I wanted, but it was out of stock. Then I thought about wearing pink but then we would have to change the bridesmaid’s dresses.

But then it occurred to me that, as a bride, I should simply wear white! I found a white suit but I’m still feeling anxious about it. The next step is measurement and alterations, and as a genderqueer woman who feels most comfortable wearing masculine coded clothing but who has a body that is curvy and feminine, trying to reconcile what I want to wear, and what I can wear can be frustrating and humiliating.

I wish the world wasn’t so segregated by gender. I wish that it was easier to find women’s clothes that fit men’s bodies, and men’s clothes that fit women’s bodies. I wish there was no such thing as men’s and women’s clothing at all, and that we could all find the clothes we want to wear in sizes that fit us comfortably. I wish I could be seen as a bride even though I won’t be wearing a dress, and I wish there were more places for me to go where I would be treated as normal and beautiful in my own right.

Sigh.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

070 // Staying In

Went to bed last night feeling like a cold was coming on. I had a sore throat, I felt pressure in my sinuses and ears, my breathing was difficult, and I had a cough. So, in the morning I made the decision to stay in for plenty of rest and fluids, just in case.

Well, of course I feel all better now and I’m regarding my own body suspiciously. Is it possible I made it all up without knowing? Could I have been in so desperate a need for a mental day that my body manufactured a sickness all on it own to keep me home? It might sound crazy but it’s honestly more likely than my immune system was strong enough to fight off a cold before it got nasty. That just never happens.


I spent the day doing blog things. I tweaked my “About” and “Contact” pages. My “Now” page will go live tomorrow and hopefully my “Completed MOOCs” and “People I’m studying” lists too. I started a draft for the next Weekend Coffee Share and for my review of One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. By the week’s end I hope to have a real writing portfolio started too!

In the evening we worked out a few wedding things. We got the application for our ceremony site permit filled out and sent off, emailed all the first choice caterers, finalized the guest list, and made a to-do list to get me through the end of the month. We’re freaking out but we’re holding each other accountable. We promised each other that wedding work would be done every day, no matter how tired, overwhelmed, or terrified we feel!


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

If We Were Having Coffee // Low-Key and Beautiful

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Even though I knew it was coming, the time change still threw me off this morning. I forgot to set my alarm last night, which has been unnecessary for many weekends in a row now and got up almost exactly one hour later than usual. So, instead of losing an hour of sleep, I lost an hour of my day. I haven’t been able to catch up yet.

But coffee always helps and I, thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Terry Pratchett, plan to pour a big cup of cold brew and get that hour back not from the past, as that would be impossible, but from my future self, who probably would have wasted it anyway.

So, please, pull up a chair and help yourself to a cup too. It’s not a particularly warm day, but it’s nicer than usual so I’m airing out the house while I can and letting plenty of sun in while it’s shining. Let’s talk about last week.

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

The week was low-key, but that isn’t the same as stress-free. The reason my workload was so reduced was that my team’s schedule kept getting shuffled and pushed. We showed up every day thinking we knew the plan and every day we were told a different one. We couldn’t shake the feeling that the work would never get done but that even when it did time constraints would make doing good work impossible.

Now I’m afraid the coming week will have twice the work to do with the same amount of time. I expect bad moods and flaring tempers all around.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as the week wore on we got busier and busier as we approached my brother’s wedding date Friday.

My sister and her kids flew into town on Wednesday and I spent the evening at my mother’s seeing her and her kids, my other sister, and my brother’s children who we left in grandma’s care for the evening. We had a great time and I went home and got to bed much later than was healthy because I was simply having too much fun.

Thursday I still had to work and afterward had to rush across town for the rehearsal dinner. My family was too worn out from the rehearsal before to keep the night going and honestly, I was worn out from a long cold day at work to keep the night going. We all went home, and to bed, early so we’d be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the big day.

I spent the morning of the wedding with my mom, my sister, and her kids. We took it easy, relaxing and watching TV, getting ready in bursts and shifts and trying to keep each other calm. We were all nervous for my brother. We wanted his and his fiancee’s day to go off without a hitch, but we were nervous for ourselves as well. We all have our own anxieties, and social functions are a common trigger. Add to that the expectations and the responsibility we each had to help make the day perfect, and we were all on edge and on the verge of tears.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that none of us had any reason to be worried. The day was perfect and everything went just as it was supposed to. The ceremony was short. The couple wrote their own vows and jumped the broom after the kiss. We all filed into the next room for cocktail hour and my girlfriend, who had volunteered to test her photography skills for the day, took everyone outside for pictures.

The food was good and the DJ, the brides younger sister played all the great wedding hits. We drank, ate, drank some more, and then we danced the night away.

By the end of the night, my sisters and I were the last ones on the dance floor and feeling great, but the night had to be cut short after a few had a few too many and we had to rally to get them home safe.

All in all, it was a beautiful day and I’m happy we got to be part of it. I’m also glad it’s over and I can focus fully on my own coming in just a few short months.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have so much to do and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can’t get it together and get it done. I’m procrastinating bad! We both are. We’re paralyzed by fear and still time is tick, tick, ticking away and still, we can’t help ourselves by taking any concrete action.

My biggest goal this week is to contact all the caterers on the list and to start on attire. We’re quickly approaching a point in our timeline where if too much is left to do we will have to make tough choices and compromises that will negatively impact our vision for the day.

After attending my brother’s wedding though I actually feel a lot better about my own capabilities for planning. He and his wife kept it simple, and it was good to see that simple can still be fun and beautiful. I was also happy to find that his wedding differed greatly from what I envision for my own and I’m even more excited to show people what we come up with.


After all that work and wedding stuff we felt it was important to reconnect with each other and get back to our own lives so we planned a little date night. Dinner and a movie, our old favorite. We saw Captain Marvel and I want to take a moment before I go to urge all of you, but especially those of you with young girls and those of us who were once young girls, to go see it.

I went into it not knowing very much about Captain Marvel. I never read the comics and I only vaguely remember her from the X-Men cartoons I used to watch as a kid. I went into the theater thinking I was about to see a very mediocre story about a very mediocre superhero, damn was I wrong!

The story was well written and well acted. The moral was thought-provoking and timely, and Captain Marvel was a strong, smart, and perfectly flawed. She may just be my new favorite hero and one I think all girls should see on the big screen, old and young alike.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that a week of work and wedding things means that my house is in shambles and it means I have to go now if I want to have any chance of cleaning it up and getting ready for Monday.

I hope this last week was good to you. I hope wherever you are you can smell Spring in the air and that “springing forward” doesn’t through you off too much. I hope that you found time to relax this weekend and that your coming week will be even better than the last.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // Two Big Days to Plan For

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Today is definitely a snow day. We’re cooped up inside away from the sub-zero temperatures and the nearly 7 inches of snow that have fallen since yesterday evening. We woke this morning without water and feared that somewhere a pipe had frozen and would burst soon but after playing with the main valve, setting up a space heater, and opening all the faucets water quickly returned and I could finally make my coffee. Thank God!

So, pull up a chair and, please, help yourself to a cup. I’m having blonde roast this morning with a bit of coconut cream but I have cold brew coffee in the fridge if you are one of those crazy people who crave it on wintery days like this. Come, let’s talk about last week.

“Do you ever get really excited about life and then realize it’s just the caffeine? It’s really depressing, but that just means you need more coffee.”

― Stephen Robinson, Mahogany Slade

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

I didn’t do as much blog writing done as I’d hoped but I did do some behind the scenes stuff like cleaning up categories and changing themes and I worked on a piece for Zen and Pi that I’m excited about. In the coming week, I’d like to finish it and start on a few other ideas too.

Writing here has been great for building momentum and for keeping my focus, but this isn’t all the writing I want to be doing. I have so much I want to say but taking the disordered contents of my mind and translating onto the page as something coherent and interesting is not only difficult but petrifying. This is going to take a while.

I had mistakingly expected to enjoy those unremarkable days for a long while, but three days is all I got. Then the old workload was back, and I’ve already been forewarned that next week will be even worse. We’re understaffed and overworked. A schedule will be difficult to put together and impossible to stick too. I’m expecting plenty of confusion, frustration, and irritability, but I’m looking forward to the end when I can boast of a job well done in the face of chaos.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of my week was getting to attend a fancy awards ceremony at work for a friend who was being honored. This award is for people who work in supporting roles in our school district. People forget it isn’t just the teachers who create the safe, structured and nurturing environment that facilitates learning. There’s transportation, where I work, there’s maintenance, information systems, food and nutrition, and so much more.

Every year we all get together to nominate the best among us to be considered for recognition and in February we throw a party in their honor. I’m proud to say I am a past honoree, and so is my girlfriend, and many of our friends too. It felt good to go and when all past honorees were asked to stand and be recognized again, I felt honored not just in my own past award but to see so many of my friends standing as well.

At that moment I realized I had chosen the right community. I had surrounded myself with people who work hard, who care, who take the job seriously and who want all of us, and all the children we are responsible for, to succeed.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we didn’t make much progress in wedding planning, but only because we had another wedding on our minds. My brother is marrying his longtime girlfriend, and mother to two of my nieces and nephews this week! I’m excited for him, and only a little peeved to be attending his wedding the same year I am planning mine.

My girlfriend has agreed to be the photographer for this event so I’ve been helping her gather her gear, plan her shots, her outfit, and to build her confidence. She’s never shot a wedding before and she is not a professional, but she’s good, and I know her best will be phenomenal.

My sister, the one I was just visiting in Texas, will be here too and I’m thrilled to have the family all together again even if it’s only for the weekend. When I’m not acting as my girlfriend’s assistant I plan to make the most of this rare sibling time while I can. I just know well have a blast.

It’s crazy to think the next time we’ll all be together again I’ll be the one getting married!


If we were having coffee, I would tell you I am gravely concerned that we won’t have everything done in time for our own big day. In addition, I grow increasingly enraged by the costs and the expectations as we get closer and closer. If you are thinking of having a wedding or planning one already I encourage you to seriously consider skipping the entire ordeal. I wish I had taken the option seriously this time last year.

But, we can’t turn back now. We are trying to remember that this whole celebration is for us first. We can do it however we want. We can blow up every tradition, tear it apart, and reshape it in our own vision. At the same time, we are having to balance that desire to have complete control with the reality that we cannot do this on our own.

We need help, and help comes from people, people with emotions, people who want things their own way because they think it is the best way, for us. We scared to tell people no, that isn’t what we want, that isn’t us. That’s why up until now we’ve been going it alone, but that, to be honest, hasn’t gotten us very far at all. 


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I am enjoying our chat, it’s time for me to go. This Sunday, rather than being a relaxing day inside, is “deep cleaning day” and I’m already falling behind in my half of the work. I’m hoping to blast through it all and have an hour or two to myself for a long shower, a face mask, a big lunch, and a long nap before evening rolls in. I want to be ready for Monday in every way.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope you accomplished something great and that all the bad was inconsequential. I hope wherever you are it is warm and that you have time to take care of yourself for a change before a new week begins.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Julien Labelle on Unsplash