It started out as just a “challenging day”. From the moment I woke up I felt bad vibes in the cold air streaming from the open window above my bed. I got to work and all my well laid plans went out the door within minutes. I hate crisis. I hate reacting. I hate not knowing where I am going or what I am to do.

Very quickly it became a “hard day”. Work piled up and bad news came in through the phone. There are few ways out of the predicament and all solutions are bad ones. I’m not alone but we are alone. We know we must endure together but trying not to be at each others throats is exhausting.

By evening I was sure that what I was actually having was a “very bad day”. I’m falling apart and today I cannot hide it. I’m hurt, and scared, and angry, and it all comes from a place of love. I wish I was more for everyone but I am only me and that is why things go to shit so much. We are all only who we are though. It’s not a bad thing but that is no comfort either.

The bright side is I made it through. I’m trying to be grateful and to be optimistic but the best I can muster is the hope that whatever long term harm comes won’t last as long as my fears imagine.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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