Last night we went out for dinner and drinks with our “couples group”. I had a great time while we were out but all last night I laid wide awake in the dark replaying every interaction and word I said. I analyzed every response and tried to decipher tones and facial expressions looking for reasons to be embarrassed. I didn’t want to do this but my mind wouldn’t stop. The night was like a song stuck in my head. There was nothing I could do but wait it out.

I hate that I am like this.


My brother just called, waking me from a short nap I needed after my late night of self depreciation. He needs someone to watch the kids, and I am his last resort and hope. I agreed, reluctantly. I love my niece and nephew so much, but I am not good with kids. I prefer supervised visitations where I am not the sole responsible adult. I agreed though, it’s only for a few hours. My wife is on her way to buy snacks and we have Disney+ already up and ready.

Update: The kids were fine. We watched Frozen and Wreck It Ralph. We ate snacks. They broke a few things but nothing important. I feel much more confident and would agree to watch them again, but just as reluctantly as I did this time.

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Hello! I'm an aspiring writer fascinated by the human condition. You can find much of my work on my personal blog and at Zen and Pi. I also tweet as @lisamarieblair_ and share pictures and poetry on Instagram. Please consider signing up for my newsletter or supporting what I do by sharing a cup of virtual coffee. Thank you!

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