Today was a gloriously long day. Usually Sundays fly by. I usually get up too late, have too much to do, and spend too much time dreading the work week to come, but this Sunday was the opposite of all that.

I got up early and stayed active and mindful for most of the day. I got all the cleaning things done before dinner and made time for blog things and for listening to podcasts too. I debated taking a nap, but I didn’t want to lose this good feeling. Naps can go either way, you know? They can make you feel better or worse and since I felt so good I knew chances were high I’d wake up grouchy, groggy, and most likely hungry and suffering from a headache. So I stayed up and did more stuff instead and now the house looks, feels, and smells wonderful and I feel good about myself.

It’s hard to say what has changed in me exactly but last night, after my wife woke me from the couch to put me to bed and before I drifted off to sleep again, I had a good cry over everything that has been going on.

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired as they say and feeling weak and pitiful. I want very badly to feel strong again and I want to learn to cope better until then. I lamented to my wife about all of this and she simply reminded me that what I am going through is actually pretty serious and that everything I feel is perfectly reasonable. That broke my in the best way possible and, I believe, gave me a more accepting perspective on the situation.

I’m doing just fine, great actually, and that’s all I need to feel or focus on right now.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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