I woke up this morning, and everything was fine. The pain I’ve been feeling for the last couple of days was there, but it was dull. I could still do my morning things: making coffee, caring for the pets, watering the plants. Then, suddenly, the pain got very bad, very bad! I was doubled over, crying, sweating, nauseous, and dizzy. Something was very wrong, but I tried to lay down and wait for it to pass. I called the GI nurse, but she told me all I could do was go into urgent care. So I did.

Of course with the coronavirus spreading I was reluctant to go but I know my body and this pain was some of the most severe I have ever felt, but it wasn’t new. A few years ago I went through this too. Usually ulcerative colitis pain is on this left side, but this is on the right and only on the right. It’s low and makes me think my appendix is about to burst, or maybe I have a hernia, or perhaps a tear in the bowel. Last time I was scheduled for a colonoscopy and they found nothing and eventually the pain went away but even when it was at its worst it was nothing like this.

When I arrived at the urgent care center, they gave me morphine for the pain, ran some blood tests, and gave me a CT scan and…found nothing. Or nothing much, anyway. Nothing that would warrant their time, attention, or care. I was quickly unplugged from the I.V. and sent on my way with instructions to drink more water, eat more fiber, and feel better soon.

I feel deeply embarrassed. I feel as though I wasted everyone’s time. At the same time, I’m worried there is something they missed. I was in so much pain something has to have been wrong and, honestly, it’s not like they haven’t missed a diagnosis before. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. I’m focusing on feeling better, both emotionally and physically, and I’m searching for answers on my own.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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