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Today was a bad day, but it wasn’t my bad day alone so I can’t share any of the details except to say that being isolated with no outside stimulation or social interaction magnifies every emotion especially the negative ones and being isolated together just doubles the ammunition and the inevitable explosion.

Things are better now, but I had to devote the entire afternoon to self care in order to move past it. I decided it was a good day to deep clean my dreadlocks and have a nice cold shower “beer” (I’m partial to hard ciders) to take the edge off. I feel refreshed and renewed now. The hurts and humiliations of before have been washed away and the evening can be enjoyed free of worry or distress…for now. It may take pizza and a glass of wine to keep the good feelings going.

That was all I could manage to do today, and even that took more effort than you could know. I’m proud of myself for not falling back into old habits and for not giving in to the urge to do nothing at all and wallow in self pity. I’m glad things turned around and I have feel confident that tomorrow will be so much better.

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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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