Today is a much better day. I haven’t felt this good, productive, and focused since last Friday. I still didn’t get out for my walk but I spent the morning clearing out space in the garage and moving in our old elliptical machine, my weights, and a yoga mat to make a dedicated space to work out. I think having spent the last few months cooped up into just the four main rooms in the house makes knowing I have a new place to go to move my body really exciting.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to wake up a full 45 minutes early to head down there and do what I can of a small work out. I’m still trying not to push myself too hard, but I’m also trying to make an impact on my weight, energy levels, and muscle tone.
After lunch I took another one of those too long and too deep naps I’ve gotten into the bad habit of slipping into. I was initially angry with myself for losing so much time again but the truth is I need it and though I don’t know exactly why it’s good to just listen to my body right now and give it what it needs.
I’m glad I did too. After I woke up my mood was greatly improved and Iwas able to get some cleaning done, prepare for work tomorrow, do some small self-care things, and finish reading Woman Much Missed by Thomas Hardy. It feels good to do the hard things that you know will make you feel better instead of the easy things you know won’t. I wish I had the willpower and the good health to do it all the time.
The holiday is an afterthought, I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t care about our fallen solders or because I don’t love my country or my freedom enough. It’s just that there is so much else on my mind. I’m grateful to every solders sacrifice, but the feeling is overshadowed by the gratitude I feel for those making sacrifices right now. I hope the fallen and their families can understand.
And anyway, and the unofficial start to the summer is no longer the celebratory time it used to be. There are no backyard barbeques, no pools or amusement parks opening, no festivals or events to look forward to. Summer will not begin for a very long time, if at all.