First thing this morning I got an email from the doctor, my liver results still don’t look good and further testing, and further med changes may be in order. I read the email in the car while my girlfriend drove us to work and I nearly broke down in tears. I’m just so tired of it all. Tired of being tired and tired of all the reasons I’m tired.
I got to do more of the new work I was doing yesterday and that took my mind off of things but then my anxiety and health issues came up at in front of my boss, and her boss, and many of my coworkers, and I spent the rest of my day feeling like everyone was looking at me, talking about me, feeling sorry for me, or judging me. I felt exposed and embarrassed, and I ended up having to leave early because I couldn’t handle it.
When I got home things got better. I pulled up my to-do list and one by one marked off all the things I’d been putting off. I darted around the house, inside and out, and for everything I cleaned up, took care of, fixed, or put away I felt a little better about myself. And now, it’s time for bed, and I’ve nearly repaired the day’s damage, but it’s going to be hard to return in the morning and face all those faces again.
These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren