If We Were Having Coffee // When She’s Gone

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

It looks like my morning is starting in the early afternoon today. I woke up with an earache and exhausted bones so after making it to the kitchen to let the dog out then in then fill her food bowl; I turned back around and followed the same sleepy path back to the bed. Two hours later I was up again and through cold brew coffee, loud music, and pure determination I am moving about and getting myself and my house ready for another week.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. You’re welcome to the cold brew or a hot cup from the Moka pot but hot or cold all I have on hand is a light roast. It’s a nice compliment the spring sun shining through the open blinds.

Let’s talk about last week.

“When I get up early, I appreciate the quiet time to enjoy a coffee or water my plants.”

― Christina Tosi


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was an interesting one. It was educational, sad stressful, lonely, and full of tiny little victories.

On Sunday we got the sad news that my girlfriend’s grandmother had passed away. This is one of those stories that isn’t mine to tell but I will say my heart is in pieces for her and her family. I wish I could have known her grandmother, but I never got the chance to meet her. Once again we are taught the lesson. Talk to the people you can while you can because people leave this Earth every day and you don’t have all the time you think you do.


Monday and Tuesday I got the chance to attend a statewide conference for work. I learned a few things and my task now is to bring back what I have learned and incorporate it into the training we do for new and existing employees.

Much of what I saw we are already doing so what I took away more than knowledge was an emotional impact. For one, I met many people working for other districts who are doing exactly what I’m doing in mine. Until now I have felt somewhat alone in my position.

My position isn’t a prestigious one. I’m rather low on the totem pole but I’m passionate about what I do and think despite the low prestige having people in my position that care about the issue and responsibility is critically important. It was refreshing to meet others who feel the same way and do their work enthusiastically and from the heart.

I also sat in a presentation that gave me a lot of hope for the future of our schools. When I was a teenager I struggled to cope with my emotions and to relate to other kids my age. I was angry and; I know now, very depressed and back then the only way to deal with angry and depressed kids was to suspend them until you could send them somewhere else and then to keep the expectations placed on them so low that they graduated without any skills, emotional or academic.

I was lucky. I dropped out instead and found my own way, but there are so many who were neglected and abandoned by the system.

The presentation I saw was on moving from the suspension, detention, and isolation disciplinary system to one that teaches reflection, responsibility, and restoration. I was nearly in tears imagining the way a younger me would have thrived under that system. The woman who spoke told us that their aim is to make each school into a small community and to teach children how to live in it by connecting them to that community. It’s bittersweet and so beautiful.

I hope every school moves to hire teachers, administrators, and support staff that can be open-minded enough to do better by their students than was done by them.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Wednesday my girlfriend left town to be with her family and attend her grandmother’s funeral.

I never do well when she’s gone. We’ve lived together for something like 15 years, and since we work at the same place, on the same schedule, and doing nearly everything together, I struggle when I have to be on my own for more than a day. I’m just bored mostly, and I miss her a lot, and I lose most of my motivation to cook, or clean, or do anything but read and sleep. I make it sound worse than it is, really.

I did manage to get a lot of reading done since I rarely watch T.V. without her. I finished One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, my 7th book of the year, by Friday and loved it. I’m already ready to read it again. I was thrilled by the news that Netflix is going to make it into a series. I hope they stay true to the book and include every beautiful and terrible event.

I started Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge and though it’s about as far from Márquez’s magical realism as I could get it’s very good. I’m having a hard time putting it down this weekend and expect to finish within days.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the other issue I have when my girlfriend is gone is having to drive. I mentioned it last week but for those new to my blog; I suffer from terrible driving anxiety. I dread having to get to and from work or anywhere else on my own.

My girlfriend is understanding, though it is hard on her and she would like for me to be more comfortable behind the wheel, but when she is gone nothing can be done and I have to push through it. My heart was pounding, and I was nauseous with nervousness every day but I have to say, I did really well. So well in fact that I almost enjoyed it!

I’ve been waiting for some kind of breakthrough. I’ve been waiting to feel motivated not just by shame but by possibility, joy, and pride. I think I’ve had that breakthrough. Working through this fear has become something I want to do, not just something I need to do.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, my girlfriend is flying her way home to me now and that means getting I’d better go. I have to start cleaning this house out of its current sad and stale state.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you are well and that the weather is improving, and that you got to smell the spring air and feel the warming sun on your skin. I hope the new month finds you well this week and that you can meet it without regret or panic.

Until next time. 

Move // Jazz Spastiks feat. Apani B Fly

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “If We Were Having Coffee // When She’s Gone

  1. It sounds like you managed this week very well. I feel for you. To be the one left behind, even if only temporarily, and for a good reason, is hard. I hope the two of you get to enjoy some good times before the end of the weekend. Thanks for the coffee!

    Like

  2. Happy to hear that you are coping and pleased with your accomplishments. And that your girlfriend is on her way home to you. My sympathies on the driving anxiety. I took drivers training three summers in a row during high school and once I got all the way through the driving portion of the test, although I did not pass it. Thank you for the coffee, and my nest wishes for the coming week!

    Like

Comments are closed.