It’s snowing, again. I wish I were spending the day inside and cozy but after missing family day for two weekend’s in a row, I can’t handle the guilt of staying home for a third. So I’m drinking copious amounts of coffee, popping a couple of tylenol, and opening a fresh bag of cough drops to hopefully make it through the day without too much discomfort.

The coffee and tylenol helped. I made it through with enthusiasm and energy but now that I am back home I have nothing left. I can’t fight the fatigue and I can’t fight this cold. I feel worse than even and have doubts about whether I’ll make it in to wirk tomorrow.

I have doubts about whether I’ll be able to go through with my infusion on Tuesday with this infection and I’m worried about what that will mean for the treatment going forward. There’s already a waiting list for this medication and I can’t risk coming off of the steroids without a adding something new to maintain the remission I’ve managed to recapture.

Of course worrying, at best, does no good, and at worse, causes only more harm. I have to focus on the choices I have and the things I control. I control my rest, my fluids, and my medication. That is the only path to getting well that I have.


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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.