Today’s the day. I woke up feeling better but I don;t think I really am I think that my anxiety levels are so high that my symptoms have subsided while my body wrangles with a false fear. I’m not about to die. I’m only running a little late. I’m only a little nervous, a little worried, and more than a little tired. Every thing is going to be just fine.

Everything went better than fine, everything went perfectly. I showed up to the clinic on time for my appointment and even heard from my doctor beforehand to remind her that I needed tests ordered at the lab. The infusion went fine, but it was not at all as comfortable as when I was on my last infusion medication.

This medication only takes 30 minutes where the last one was over 2 hours. When I was on the 2 hour medication I got to sit in the large open room with big windows and gorgeous mountain views but now that I’m on the 30 minute medication, I don’t get the big open room or the gorgeous mountain views anymore. I got the cramped “private infusion room” that was so small my wife opted to wait in the waiting room outside instead. It was pretty awful, but it was only 30 minutes.

When I got home, the sore throat and the nasty cold I’ve been fighting came roaring back and I ended up sleeping on the couch for over 3 hours. I have a feeling the infusion contributed. It’s tiring to have that much medication pumped into your body at once. It’s tiring to be so anxious and so aware of your body.

I feel good now though. I just needed to rest. I’m happy to report there have been no adverse effects or reactions and I’ll be ready to head back to work, back into the world, and back to my old self by tomorrow morning…I hope.


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.