Goals // Week 08: Find My Footing

This week I have a little break from all the expectations and obligations that have long become routine. The weekend is a long one. I have an extra day off from work and the next class of new employees won’t begin with me for more than a week more. That means I have a chance to stop and think. I have a chance to look ahead and to find my footing before I take another step. 

This week I will:

Get well. I’ve been fighting a bad cold for over a week now and I’m feeling like I’ve fought my way through the worst of it and might just be on the mend. But I do have a chronic illness and the medications I take to have an impact on my immune system. If I’m not careful, if I don’t take care of myself by managing my stress levels, eating well, staying hydrated, and eating well this cold could gain a stronghold again or I could very easily catch something else.

Update: I’m feeling 100% again and the memory of that sinus pain and congestion misery is already fading. I did my best to stay hydrated and made sure to take (most of) my supplements often and on time. I’ve been sick a lot this season but nothing like that last cold and it’s left me with a bit of anxiety and paranoia. I’m sterilizing everything and washing my hands raw trying to avoid another infection.

Make a plan. I have neglected my calendars and to-do lists quite badly lately and as a result, no progress has been made. In my defense, my work life has been a bit chaotic and my health has made it impossible to maintain energy or focus outside of my obligations but the excuses aren’t holding up any longer. I know if I can make a plan I can find a way to do one small thing a day at least. It’s time to really try again.

Update: I made progress, but I did not stick with it. I have a list and a calendar now but they are not fully filled in and I have made little effort to keep either in front of me rendering both completely useless. But, progress is progress, and even if I only just keep filling it in every week for a while something ought to stick in my brain at some point.

 Read 150 pages of It by Stephen King. I’m sure I could make it further than that especially since I have decided to make T.V. time the new reading time these past couple of weeks. But I would like to move on through another book or two in my Penguin Little Black Classics set so I’ll have to split my time between It and Wailing Ghosts by Pu Songling and settle for fewer pages of one so I can enjoy a little of both.

Update: I did get a couple of good reading days in but only made it about 80 pages toward my goal. I found myself very distracted both on my breaks at work and at home. My schedule kept shifting and changing and it never felt like a good time to pull such a heavy book out and start reading. I was able to finish Wailing Ghosts though and that counts for something.

Complete my Heartsaver Instructor Essentials Online course. Before I can take the hands-on CPR and First Aid instructor course I have to complete the online potion. I’ve been putting it off because I’m nervous about it but my class is just a few weeks away and I do not want to mess up my opportunity to become an instructor because of a little irrational fear. This is a great opportunity for me, and I have to be brave, focused, and proactive and if I can’t be those things I better pretend until I am.

Update: It was long, and it was incredibly boring but I got it done. I did gain a lot of useful information about the process of teaching a CPR class which is very different from attending a class and learning CPR. Weirdly the new knowledge only made me feel more anxious rather than comforting me but I’m trying to tell myself that I am excited, not afraid.

Vote. I’m so grateful that the great state of Colorado makes it so easy to vote. We have early voting and mail-in ballots. We have 24-hour ballot drop off sites all over the city and here independents are allowed to vote in the primaries. So, I have no excuse not to participate in this election or any other. But sometimes when things are easy to do they are even easier to forget.

Update: I simply forgot. I know who I’m voting for and I only have one little circle to fill in before folding the ballot back up and dropping it off on the way to some other errand or destination. It’s simple, too simple. It’s so simple my mind considers it insignificant and not worth the effort of committing to memory. This is exactly why I have to keep that calendar and to-do list in front of me.

Write something, anything. I don’t necessarily have to write here and I don’t necessarily have to write to share. I can write something privately. I can write something that’s boring, unimportant, confusing, and bad. I can write as little or as much as I want or can and I can type it or use a pen and pad. I can write whatever I want so long as I write something real.

Update: For something I love and long to do writing is sure hard to make myself do. It’s difficult to begin or to know where to go. It’s hard to develop a voice and a message and it’s hard to silence my self-doubt and insecurities. It’s hard to make time when what is easier to do feels better now, but in the long run this feels so much worse and the longer it takes for me to begin the harder it is for me to get out of my own way.

This week I will not forget this list. For weeks now I have been setting goals and promptly forgetting them. This week I will not let I must do for others eclipse my personal passions so completely that I forget them entirely. This week I will not put myself on the back burner.

P.S. For a look at how I fared last week check out my updated post for Week 07

Photo by Shaz Sedighzadeh on Unsplash


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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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