I didn’t get around to setting my goals for the week. I may not set them at all. I want to have a week of freedom from expectation, especially my own. Perhaps I need a break every once in a while from all the things I (think I) want to do. I want to do nothing. I want to not think so much or worry so much. I want to be a little more here an now, a little more focused on what is material and real, what I can control.

The upside is I feel like taking care of myself a little more. I’m walking and exercising more, eating better, and taking my meds. Getting up on time is easier and I feel less anxious about how I should spend the days. Moving, cleaning, taking care of things, this may be what I need most now.

Still, even if I’m not doing it I’m thinking about writing and there is a chance that that is the real goal. Maybe I just need to do more in order to create more and with so few ways to experience or explore the world I have to delve into dark corners of the yard and the basement and fish out what inspiration I can find there instead. It’s sad, but inspiring. There is a part of me that is trying to thrive even in these uncertain and confining conditions.

Today I am grateful for:

  1. My new phone. It got delivered today, and it’s as awesome as I hoped it would be. I didn’t need it, but it’s been a long time since I’ve upgraded and this was a little congratulatory gift to myself for the promotion.
  2. Overnight oats and chia pudding. I’m trying to eat healthier and while the snacks are a hurdle I have yet to overcome, I’ve got breakfast in the bag. When I’m not eating chia pudding (the oats are for my wife) I have fresh fruit and sunflower or almond butter instead.
  3. Walking without my phone. I always want to take my phone on walks because I want to option of listening to music and I don’t want to miss any great photo opportunities but walking without my phone has forced me to be present, to look around, and to get to know and appreciate my neighborhood.

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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