002 // Thinking Makes it So

The year is already moving much too fast for me. My mind keeps jumping ahead to tomorrow and from there it’s easy to start worrying over Monday too, and while there I may as well obsess over the rest of the work week, right? Once there the month is practically half over and with so much to do and fail at before mid-month today starts feeling like a good day to give up.

The calendar might only say the 2nd of January, but as far as my anxiety is concerned, it’s weeks from now and nothing at all is done, different, or better for it.

I can’t seem to stay in the present. I can’t seem to focus on today’s tasks and troubles alone and though my mind insists this jumping ahead is for my own good, I can see from the missing check marks and empty pages in my planner and journal, that way of thinking is killing my motivation and productivity.

More than that, it’s killing my joy. Why is it when I think about the future I can only see all the problems and all the ways I will fail? Why can’t I see good things? Why can’t I imagine success? Perhaps this should be another kind of mind shift for me: for every worry or failure you can conjure, imagine a victory. Imagine happiness.

I’m a realist bordering on pessimistic so I have my doubts that thinking one way or another can impact an outcome or future event, but what I hope is that it will help the present, and what happens in the present has a direct impact on what happens in the next hour, the next month, and over the course of the next year.

Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

3 thoughts on “002 // Thinking Makes it So”

  1. I would love to give you some useful advice–or make you believe the idea that “today if for today’s problems and tomorrow is for tomorrow’s problems.” That is seemingly hard to do.
    Maybe you could make a list of things that you can control and put cutoff dates on them.
    I’ve got to plan a class for tomorrow, and I have set a time of 9:00 when it must be done by. If I don’t do, yeah I could fail, but then maybe the students won’t eve show up. There is no point in my worrying until it really happens.
    Hang in there.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I wrote a post today that touches on some of your frustrations. In my experience it’s the overthinking that gets in the way of the doing, and if the worst that can happen is failure, then its probably worth trying anyway! Hope that helps a bit. Onward and upward into 2021 I say!

    Liked by 1 person

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