122 // Usual Sunday Blues

The morning started out sunny, but around lunchtime the skies grew dark and our phone began warning us of severe storms on the way. Some of my outdoor projects will have to be put off. Tomorrow is looking dreary too, so it may be midweek before progress is made.

It’s nearing evening now, and I’m frustrated by how easily the body gives out. Coffee and some natural drive got me through the morning, but my energy levels quickly fizzled out from there. I’m considering some afternoon tea and a boost of B12 to carry me through the until bedtime.

Not that there is much left to do now, or much time left to do it in even if I wanted. The groceries are bought, the laundry is folded, the dishes washed and put away. There will be some time for writing, for planning the work week, and for crucial self-care needs, but the to-do list never really ends and there is always more you wish you could do and more weekend you wish you had to do it in.

I make the best use of what I have, but there is always something left unchecked, something I didn’t get to, something that has to be put off. Two days has never been enough for the errands, the cleaning, the visits with family, the projects, the rest, and all the fun you’re in desperate need of before you must give up more precious hours of your life for bills and necessities you only end up resenting.

And like clockwork, I slip into the usual Sunday blues.

121 // Any Small Peace

I woke up this morning believing it was Friday rather than Saturday and though nothing at all indicated that it was a workday—no alarms had rung and my wife was still in bed—I dragged myself from the warmth into the cold darkness of my house to begin getting ready.

I shortly realized that I’d made a sad mistake and promptly returned to my cozy comforter, but what struck me afterward wasn’t the mistake and the disruption to my rest, but that I’d a habit was forming again. I was able to do what needed to be done, the hard thing, in response to a circumstance without complaint or the need for negotiation with the self.

All this is to say, it’s getting easier to rise and enjoy my mornings again. This is a sure sign of healing and a welcome return to a part of myself I can recognize and cling to in these hard times. It’s a small thing for most, but for me, any small peace whether found in time, space, or the heart, is crucial.