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Now that the living room revamp is done, and I’ve caught up somewhat on the housework, it’s time to focus once again on our upcoming wedding. We’re reconsidering all-inclusive packages and trimming the guest list down to whatever number it needs to be to keep our preferred venue options available. We’re procrastinators, as I’ve mentioned, and we loathe wedding planning, so we’ve got to make things easier on ourselves if we want to get this done.

By the end of the month, we will have a venue and date chosen and booked!


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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Why do I have such a hard time seeing past what is difficult or scary to all the great things I can have or experience if I would only get up, face my life, and do the work? Why must I procrastinate so damn much?

The living room revamp project is nearly complete. All that’s left is small wall touch-ups and then we can finally put everything, the T.V. the couch, the record player, and the animal’s beds back in its place. The paint looks amazing and I wish we’d done this years ago instead of whining and stalling because it was hard and scary.

Day 5 of Dry January has been the hardest so far. We—my girlfriend, is joining me in this challenge too—realized we have been replacing alcohol with food. At the end of the day, when we would normally share a hard cider between us we’ve been opting instead for pizza, hot wings, and tacos. To be fair, we’ve also cut back in sugar and our bodies are obviously having a hard time coping.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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It’s late, and I am tired. I never meant to start a daily habit of these entries but once I’d built up a few in a row, I found I couldn’t go to bed before posting. I didn’t want to break the chain.

The weather was gorgeous today and all reports promise more of the same through the end of next week. I’m glad for it, both for today, when we had to go out to get more paint for the living room walls and pizza for dinner, and for next week when I will have to return to work after over two weeks away.

The living room revamp project is nearly done, and it turns out going with our second choice color—the one we didn’t love as much, but knew would make decor choices easier—was the right choice after all. Sometimes you can’t trust your first instincts.

I spent the late evening goofing off in the “creativity room” doing nothing constructive at all. I changed my blog theme to one that supports post formats again so I can publish these posts with proper titles going forward. Let me know what you think.

Night all.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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I have never actually lived alone. I went from my mother’s home as a teenager, to living with my cousins, to living with roommates, to living with my now fiance and for almost 17 years since. I’ve never been on my own, but I’ve never felt that I had missed out on anything.

Lately, I have been trying something new. I’ve been trying to be more accepting of myself, my perspective, and my emotions and to allow my feelings to flow more freely and without judgement. Since I’ve started practicing such radical acceptance, I’ve found it harder to balance who I am as a person against who I am as a half of one whole.

Sometimes the hardest (though by far the most rewarding) part of being a human is never truly belonging to yourself alone. I suppose this balancing act is a part of all relationships between any two people and the people they truly are deep down inside. Maybe we are all made up of such halves piled on top of one whole who never really got to be.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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I don’t feel like the fact that a new year has begun has fully sunk in for me yet. Today doesn’t feel much different from yesterday and yesterday didn’t feel much different from December 31st, 2018. I guess all the hype and high expectation is an illusion. The reality is much more gradual. It will be many months before 2019 decides out what kind of year it wants to be.

Today we finished spackling the holes and sanding all the walls. It took a long time and took a lot out of us too, but much as I hated every minute of the work I have to say, I’m very proud of the progress we made on our little living room revamp today. The hardest parts are over now and tomorrow promises to be easier on the body and, hopefully, leave a lot more time for writing and resolutions.

Day 2 of Dry January was surprisingly easy considering a nice cold hard cider was just what I needed after all that work and would have gone perfectly with the hot wings we ordered for dinner. But I was strong and substituted a sweet iced tea and I’m opting for ginger tea again before bed.

So far so good 2019!


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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It’s the first day of Dry January and, of course, all I can think about is alcohol. I don’t normally think about drinking this much but when you deny yourself something, no matter how small or inconsequential, it becomes all you want, especially after a long day of prepping walls for paint.

But, I did kick a 15-year smoking habit so quitting a light drinking habit should be a breeze, right?

The wall prep is taking longer than we expected. We’ve cleaned the walls, and spackled, but while removing old trim we found some wet drywall and a bit of mold. We found the slow leak coming through a bit of bad trim from the outside that was causing the problem too. We’ll be set back a day or two to take care of it.

I’m a ball of anxiety, obviously but I’m doing my best to focus on how good we’re going to feel when it’s done, all the knowledge we’ll have gained, and how much easier the next project will be. It’s hard work, but it will be so good in the end.

Now, I’m off to bed where I’ll find a good sci-fi flick to watch while I sip some ginger tea and drift to sleep.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

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Today we had an open forum meeting at work on guns and mandatory reporting in the workplace. 

Occasionally kids will bring Nerf guns, or water guns, or facsimiles of firearms on the school bus. None of these are allowed on school property and therefore not allowed on the school bus. So, if we see them, take them and report them to the school security and our direct supervisors. The teachers will take the toy and if the kid wants it back he has to return with a parent. The kid is given a stern lecture by all the adults involved, and the incident is put behind everyone. It was just something that kids do.

But now, it’s different. Now we never know whether or not it’s a toy, and now, even if it is a toy, a kid could lose his life if he pulls it out and someone thinks it looks too real. So, now, the police have to be called and reports have to be filed. Now, the cops show up to the school or the child’s home and let them know exactly why his lime green water gun could get him killed. It isn’t something “that just happens sometimes”, or “no big deal”. It isn’t harmless anymore and there is very little space for understanding and gentleness in the process. 

I understand the philosophy. Better they think a lime green water gun is as serious as a real gun than to think the real one is as harmless as the fake, but it’s still sad the way the world has changed. It hard to adjust to these all too common “worst-case scenarios” and to react from a place of fear. It’s hard to watch simple mistakes create such deep scars. I get it, I even agree with it because the world is the way the world is, but it’s hard.

I mourned a simpler time today.