If We Were Having Coffee // Late Night, Lazy Days

Hello, happy Sunday and welcome! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

It’s another late night coffee chat. I’ve been out with family most of the day, and since being home I’ve had trouble getting my head together. I’m tired and dreading work tomorrow. I always do on Sundays, sure, but this Sunday is harder than most. I’ve been off of work a lot lately, for sickness and for fall break, and tomorrow means the return to routine, to expectations, to work. Bleck! But I’m trying not to let tomorrow have today and that means doing what I enjoy now, while I can—writing, chatting with you, drinking coffee.

So, please, pull up a chair and grab yourself a cup. I’ve got packets of instant iced coffee, or I can pour you a hot cup from the Moka pot, or, if it’s too late for the caffeine kick, I have an assortment of herbal teas. Let’s talk about last week!

“Practice magic. Write poetry. Spend all of your money on coffee and plants.”

Ashley Jade || @ajointed

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week was the easiest one I’ve had in a long time. Last week was fall break at the district I work for and that means I had the option to work or not, I chose a 40/60 split.

I worked Monday and Tuesday only and that felt both like not enough and way too much. The days were easy, especially Monday. I felt good when I went in and actually had the energy and good mood I needed to get through the day. Tuesday was a different story. I felt like I was dragging my exhausted and useless body through the day.

The day before I felt about 80% over the incapacitating cold from the week before when I developed a minor but quite painful infection in my left ear. At first I was fine as long as I didn’t touch the ear but within days I began getting sharp shooting pain deep in the canal. A chat with a doctor online left me with little comfort. I was told to wait at least 10-14 days before coming in unless I developed a severe fever or a rash on my face. So far none of that happened. In the mean time I have to just keep doing what I was doing for the respiratory infection: cold medication, fluids, and rest.

Since then things have improved. The feeling of fluid moving around in my ear is gone and I can touch it now without the searing pain but I still feel so tired.

Taking off on Wednesday wasn’t my original plan, but I had to help my little sister out and it was going to take up my whole afternoon. Working half a day never feels worth the effort, so I stayed in until she needed me. I can’t get into the details, it one of those stories that doesn’t belong to me, but I will say it was important and I am immensely proud, as always, to be there for her. Not only that, but she’s a complete joy to be around. It was a good afternoon.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Thursday and Friday were pretty much lazy days. I wanted to rest, and to make real time for things I enjoy. I worked on some blog post drafts, made progress on my courses, and got a lot of reading done. Of course it feels like there was more I could do, and of course I spent much too much time doing nothing at all. I’m trying not to dwell on what I could have done and instead to just be grateful for the time to do anything or nothing at all. Most people don’t have anytime at all to waste.

I have been spending more time in the “creativity room”. I’m making a lot of little things but only a few are worth sharing and even those seem stupid. I’ll keep at it though I’m not sure why. Collage and cut out poems just sooth me I guess. I like the precision, the quiet; I like that there can’t really be mistakes since I’m working with images and words that are already fully formed. All I have to do is turn off my mind, cut the pages, and then rearrange them however else I can make them fit.

The courses and the reading are what I am most proud of. International Women’s Health and Human Rights has been hard, the readings are long and the assignments aren’t easy, and Modern & Contemporary American Poetry, while it’s easy, is tedious. Perhaps I’m just ready to start something new. I have less than three weeks left of “ModPo” and just over three weeks left of Women’s Health. By the middle of next month I’ll be on to something else if I can keep my focus now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this weekend was just as easy as the work week before and a lot less interesting. Yesterday I was still feeling fatigued and a little down so I stayed in while my wife did some shopping around town. I did my usual Sunday—laundry, cleaning, some small house projects—because I knew I would be busy today.

This morning we were up early for my sister-in-law’s birthday brunch. I got to see my brother and their kids, another one of my sisters, my mom, and her family too while we celebrated with good food and fall cocktails. I was, and always am, happy to be there for her and for anyone in my family.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I already know that this week is going to be chaotic, I already know it. Everybody will be returning from the break, or, some will, a lot of people will take an extra day. I don’t begrudge them an extra mental day and I totally understanding needing more time to get back into the swing of things, but that means more work and harder decisions for the ones who make it in.

I’ve already gotten an email from my boss with a packed schedule with actually overlaps with the busy schedule I already made for myself. I’ll put together some proper goal for the week tomorrow but I know I will have to keep them light and give myself plenty of outs. On the other hand I will have to keep my boundaries up, stay focused and disciplined, and use my time for me. That means not working through lunches, or letting social media suck me in.

It’ll be a long while before I get another break like I’ve had these last few days and the ones I do get will probably be filled with holiday chaos, planning, and pressure. With my stress levels expected to rise, and the weather expected to get colder, drearier, and my mood expected to become more and more fatigued, I have to find a way to keep going. I have to keep my eye on the little things that ground me, give me joy, and allow me to mentally get away.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s so late and I have got to get to bed if I want to have any hope of functioning in society tomorrow.

I hope you had a good week. I hope wherever you are fall is still in the beautiful and cozy stages and not yet the dreary and cold. I hope you got a little break too, and if you didn’t I hope that whatever you had to do was fulfilling, something you could be proud of, something good.

Until next time.

Ari Lennox: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert // NPR Music

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Julien Labelle on Unsplash


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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