Temperatures are still well below freezing but the sun is out and though there is in reality only a 10 degree difference between today and yesterday I feel significantly warmer both in body and in spirit. Being halfway through the week helps too. I know I’m on the downhill side and it will only get better and easier from here.

The class is going well, but I realized today that it’s been weeks now since I have been on a route with kids and though I avoid it when I have the choice I miss it terribly when I don’t. I think after this class is done I’m going to get back out there. I don’t want to be the kind of trainer but hasn’t actually done the work in so long that none of my experiences or insights matter or apply anymore.

And anyway, I need to do something else before I get too burned out. When I’m not teaching new employees, I tend to find default to office work: paperwork, scheduling, scanning, filing, etc. but to people who don’t do that kind of work it tends to look like it isn’t work at all. I worry that I appear lazy and going out on route a few more days a week would ease that worry.

But more than for experience, or change of pace, I want to get back out there because I miss the kids. I never thought I would feel this way but over the last 13 or so years these kids have found their way into my heart. I realize now that I feel much more alive, fulfilled, and comfortable with them than I do with other adults by far. I’ve been thinking about my first dream of being a school counselor and wondering if that was in fact what I really was “meant to be” all along.


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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.