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This morning was tough. I knew it would be with the time change but on top of that I’m still not getting a good night’s sleep. My wife is still on the couch and her cough, even from there, is keeping us both up at night. So I’m running late, again. I’ve been late every day for almost a week now. I’m thankful that my job is understanding though I know soon I’ll reach the limits of their patience. I have to find a way to both get some sleep and to get a handle on my morning routine.

There was bad news almost immediately after I got to work. The school district I work for has cancelled all out-of-state travel for employees and students due to the novel coronavirus outbreak. That means the Texas trip I was scheduled to take next week, the trip I have been looking forward to for months, is not happening. I’m devastated.

I’m trying to maintain a positive perspective though. There is always next year and there are more important trips that have been cancelled too. I feel bad for the kids who probably worked hard and looked forward to trips all year and may never get to go now.

There was some good news today too. It appears the position my bosses had been working hard to create for me and my coworkers is finally finished and I am scheduled for an interview Friday morning! I’m excited and incredibly nervous. I’m excited for the chance to prove myself. I’m excited by the idea of finally getting to do more, and make more too, but I’m terrified of messing it up.

Everyone keeps telling me I have this in the bag, that there’s no way for me to mess this up but all i hear is that everyone expects me to be perfect and I know I am far from it. I know that if there is a way to fail, I will find it. I wish I knew better how to prepare. Still, no matter which way things end up I’ll be happy this is all finally over. EIther way it’s better than this waiting.

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Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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