If We Were Having Coffee // Only the Beginning

Hello, happy Sunday, and thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

We’re having another late night coffee date. I’ve had to spend the day cleaning and preparing for the week all on my own. I’m used to splitting the chores with my wife but she’s still getting over a nasty cold and knowing she has to go into work tomorrow I thought it best I take over all the usual duties while she rests as much as possible. And now that the house is nice and clean, the laundry is washed and folded, the week’s breakfasts are prepped and dinner is cooked and eaten, I can finally sit down and take a little time for me.

So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The weather was so warm earlier that I was craving a little cold brew but now that the sun has gone down I think I’ll steep some blonde grounds in the French press and enjoy some creamy foamed vanilla oat milk over top. Let’s talk about last week!

The coffee is warm, this cup is yours. I want to be someone you can’t live without.

― Charlotte Eriksson

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was an easier one than I’ve had in a long time. Mondy thru Friday doing my usual work and coping with the usual stress but Thursday and Friday were carefree almost to the point of being boring.

Grades kindergarten through 8th were off and that means a lot less routes were running and a lot less of my coworkers were in. Those who were there had only one route to do and spent the rest of their time sanitizing buses and the break room. The class I had been working with had CPI and CPR and First Aid classes so I was off the hook for training. I spent most of my time catching up on our equipment inventory and correcting or creating paperwork for the work I have done for the past few weeks now. Everything must always be documented.

The break was nice. I had been feeling I had lost interest and enthusiasm for my work. I stopped caring. I started feeling irritable, resentful, and exhausted by my work. I stopped taking it seriously. This break, though small, reset me somewhat. I feel ready to begin again Monday, or, at least, I feel ready to finish the work I have been doing for months now and to move on to doing something new.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that though work was easy enough home life has been a bit of a struggle. My wife has had this cold since last Tuesday and that was about the last time I had a good night’s sleep. Her cough is pretty bad and in an effort to allow me some rest she has been spending the night on the couch and I have stayed in our bed.

Unfortunately, I can still hear her and even when I can’t I am still awake worrying about her. It’s a routine respiratory infection I’m sure but her asthma complicates it and every day I expect her to get better and she only seems to be getting worse. We’ve agreed that if there are no changes by tomorrow she is going into urgent care.

Of course everyone keeps asking if she has coronavirus. They say it with a laugh but I can tell they are all only half joking. I can hear the fear and panic in the question. I laugh back but the truth is I wonder too. Of course i know the chances of that are impossibly small but the media keeps reminding me that there is no way to know how many people have it and that any minutes now the epidemic will become widespread. The truth is part of me wonders too and I am just as afraid.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week is going to be one I savor. It’s the last one before the district goes on Spring break and the last normal work week I will have before the classes I have coming up and the work trip around the corner.

The worst of my work will be done by Wednesday. That’s when the class of new employees I have been working with finally takes their tests and moves on to working with other trainers. The last class I trained was finally released Friday afternoon and the next class will begin elsewhere too. It looks like very soon I will have the peace and quiet I have been craving and I need it too. My anxiety is sky high and rising by the day.

After this week I will take my CPR instructor class and almost directly after I’ll be heading off to Texas for a conference. The class terrifies me because I hear I will have to get up in front of the other attendees and pretend to teach one section of the course. The trip terrifies me because I have never been away from my wife for so long and I’m afraid of how much I will miss her. I’m afraid of both because when I get back things will start changing quickly for me. I’m afraid because it is all only the beginning.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sun has long gone down. I’ve long finished my coffee, and my beer too. It’s long past my bedtime and though I don’t expect to sleep well I know I have to try to get as much rest as I can.

I hope you had a good week. I hope that Spring has come early and that you have found time to enjoy the warmth and the sun. I hope you are well and thet you aren’t worrying too much about the coronavirus and if you are I hope you turn off the news every once in a while and make time to breathe. I hope you know it will be okay.

Until next time.

Bloom // bLAck pARty

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by nomao saeki on Unsplash


Published by

Lisa Marie Blair

Painfully aware. Profoundly afraid. Perpetually falling in and out of love with humanity. She/They.

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