You ever have a bad day but can put your finger on any one thing that happened to make you feel that way? Today was one of those days.
Nothing feels right today. Nothing is what I want or need. I don’t want to do anything and I don’t want to do nothing. I don’t want to be left alone, but I don’t want to talk or be touched. I’m tried but I can’t sleep. I want to eat, but not because I’m hungry. I want to feel better, but I’m stuck in this perspective and I can’t see any way out.
I was able to knock a few things off of the weekend to-do list, but it was a battle the whole way. From my morning walk, to taking care of the pets, to cleaning and cooking, and even in leisure I fought myself, ridiculed myself, made deals and manipulated myself to try to elicit some change, some motivation, some better version of myself I knew was buried.
I may have won a few battles, but the war feels like a lost cause. So, I accept the facts in front of me. It’s a bad day then and there’s nothing left to do now but wait until tomorrow and hope.