126 // This is My Situation

I spoke too soon. Life, it seems, will go on swinging wildly between progress and regression, between good and bad days—sometimes between good and bad hours—and within the days and hours my moods will oscillate too from elated to despondent and back again.

I’m entirely overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions and find myself overcome with anger, sadness, grief, worry, and, occasionally, even hope at the most random times of day. Tears well up and my laughter comes too loud or fast. I’m outgoing one minute and longing for silence or searching for corners to hide away in the next. Motivation and lethargy come and go, and any minute I feel faced with a new version of myself I do not recognize.

I’m hoping these choppy seas will settle soon and I’ll find days of smooth sailing again. For now, the key is acceptance. This is my situation. These are my circumstances. Nothing can change what’s come before, only what happens now and even much of that is beyond my control.

I have to learn to be like the very waters I wish to navigate.