255 // Friday Feeling

The weekend is finally here and with it a more relaxed, or more accurately, an unconcerned attitude. I feel unbothered and unaffected, almost detached, and it feels good.

Lately I’ve been drifting unanchored, at the whims of currents I cannot control. I’ve been swept up in the emotions and problems of others for too long, and perhaps my mind has hit a limit and has mercifully shut down some of that emotion and empathy I seem to perpetually have too much of.

The downside is my patience is thin and nothing feels particularly important to accomplish right now. All passions are dampened and productivity is suffering. THe upside is, I’m in a sociable kind of mood instead. I want to talk and laugh. I want to connect with the people around me and have a little fun for a change. So, that’s what I’m doing. No work is getting done today, but there are more pressing needs at hand.

Lately my favorite part of Friday has been dinner time. These past months I’ve been forced into a bland, low-residue, and often liquid diet in an effort to cope with a severe ulcerative colitis flare up, but on Friday nights I let myself one cheat meal. Tonight we are picking up baby back ribs, burgers, and margaritas from one of our favorite restaurants.

You don’t realize how exciting food can be, or how much the texture, flavor, and taste of food contributes to your quality of life until you can’t have it. This dinner, and every Friday night cheat night, are the highlights of my entire week. I suffer every Saturday morning, sure, but I’ve never regretted it once.

I’m avoiding things again. Hard things are rearing their ugly heads and I am making excuses to turn toward lighter, happier, sunnier things, but I know it has to stop, and I know I will feel far better too when it does.

So, the to-do list is growing and I’ve added dates and times to the calender. These are things that I must be brave for and must, if need be, mindlessly rush toward before my feelings and fears can catch up.

I’m an over thinker, but I am learning to turn off that inner skeptical, pessimistic, and degrading voice and simply do. We can’t always be people of forethought and wisdom. Sometimes we have to be people of action if we ever want to get anything done.