356 // Holiday Chaos

With the break from work and the ongoing holiday chaos and stress, it hardly feels like Monday at all, which sounds nice in theory, but the work week and my old routine were reasons to get up, get moving, and get shit done. Now I’m feeling a little lost and desperately trying to get back to my routine.

I’ve just been too tired after days of shipping and shopping to do anything for myself. There’s too much to do to get to bed on time, and not enough time spent sleeping to wake up early enough.

Last night I didn’t even realize that the weekend was ending and completely forgot to change my alarms over. I slept in more than I meant to, but I’m not too disappointed in myself. I needed the rest and a whole lot more, if I’m honest.

I’m still battling with my body and walking these stores and malls, worrying over gifts and dates is beginning to take a toll, but the end is in sight and if everything goes smoothly today I should be through with those stores and malls, shipping and wrapping all and free to rest all the way through to the holiday.

And I plan to take full advantage of it too! With Christmas falling on a Friday this year, I’ll be heading right back to work and my old schedule with nothing but a short weekend in between. The pressure of the holidays will be replaced with the pressure of meeting work expectations almost seamlessly.

Today was a good day. My wife and I met some friends at new place for brunch where we ate too much, drank too much, and laughed until our sides hurt. The weather was gorgeous. It was like we were back in September again enjoying the first signs of fall. We left the restaurant giddy and giggling and explored some shops nearby. Until it was time for my wife and I to leave the group and finish our Christmas shopping closer to home.

Of course I never can shop for others without getting a little something for myself. THe local plant and lawn care was having a sale, so I got some evergreen candles, a few new air plants for, and a small white hypoestes phyllostachya for my now vacant terrarium.

I felt good for probably 80% of the day which is a significant increase from just last week where I was happy to get just 50-60%. I’m looking forward to days when I can say I feel great and can be present and useful 100% of the time.

For now, we are home and the truth is I overdid it both last night and today. I’m so exhausted I’m in a bad mood and all my pains are slowly returning. My stomach, my head, my hips and back, all hurt and there isn’t much I can do but put myself to bed but I loath to do it. I hate how much I need to sleep as much as all my other symptoms. I hate missing out on life. So, I’ll do what I know I shouldn’t and wrestle another hour or two from the day.

I know, I know, but I can’t bear to give up any more of my life to chronic illness right now.