252 // Souring Mood

Wintery weather has arrived here in Colorado and along with it my usual irritability and listlessness. I’ve never liked cold weather or snow and I dislike it all the more when it blows in during what is the last of warmth, sunshine, and freedom is left of the season. Watching the grey clouds move in and the rain slowly turn over to sleet, and knowing it will become flakes before lunch, is only souring my mood further and further.

It doesn’t help that nothing I did this morning seemed to go according to plan. I had a class to teach and despite showing up almost an hour early to prepare; I ran into every set back I possibly could.

Equipment was missing, paperwork was missing, and I ran into technical difficulties. Class started late and I fear I looked very unorganized, unprepared, and unprofessional. My three greatest professional fears.

Still, the setbacks didn’t last long. I eventually found everything I needed and help showed up to resolve the technical problems. Class got underway, and I even made up for the late start before the end of the day.

All in all, though, it turned out to be kind of a good day. I am feeling somewhat better than I have been, with a little less pain and a little more energy. I get these good days here and there, but they are always followed by steep backslides into misery and fatigue. That’s ok though. The worst of today is long over and I have already cleared tomorrow’s agenda of work and obligations so I can get plenty of rest.

The fatigue has returned. The day was easy on me and the people around me were understanding and undemanding and still I struggled to keep up. I crave sleep and where I couldn’t get it I at least craved solitude and silence. I got neither but thank God for headphones. At least I could tune out the undesirable and listen to music to music to match my mood.

I spent a lot of time reading in the afternoon. I made the mistake of trying to read four different books at once in a desperate attempt to make up as much lost ground in my reading goals as I can, but I am beginning to doubt the strategy. Not because I don’t like the books, or because I feel overwhelmed, but because now all I want to spend my time doing is reading those books. I suppose there are worse ways to waste time.


The evening is better. My wife and I cooked dinner together, something new, savory, satisfying. Tonight feels like another Sunday, not rushed, not stressful, and tomorrow the week will be a day closer to done.