Goals // Week 18: Simply Flowing

This week marks the beginning of a new month and what I hope will finally be the end of wintery cold and clouds. I’m looking forward to the sun, Spring finally springing, and to the world opening up, to life returning everywhere.

It isn’t a particularly busy time at work right now. Instead, it’s a time of preparing. The school year will end in just a few short weeks and though the vast majority of the kids will be enjoying their summer break, there is still work to be done as we ready for the next year to begin. There is summer school, trainings, conferences, renovations and purchases to make, and a plethora of policy changes to implement.

This week I’m dividing my time. I’m preparing at work and I’m pulling away for my own passions too. I have returned to writing and I don’t want to lose my motivation or momentum by either looking away or looking too closely. This week I’m simply flowing.

This week I will:

Continue meditating. I let the practice go some months ago, and the failure hit me so hard I haven’t been able to return until last week. It hasn’t been easy to get return to either. I’m fidgety and mind wanders far too easily, but I’m learning not to resist them but to let them come and then let them go. A much-needed lesson in these trying times.

Set aside one hour a day of writing. Ideally, this will be the first hour I am home directly after work. No one is expecting anything from me during that time, and I am generally alone. I will sometimes use that hour for a quick nap or to take care of neglected house chores, but that is only a way of procrastinating that I think will result in less guilt. It doesn’t.

Use all other free time for doing the “fun” parts of blogging. Reading, commenting, image searching, idea generation, and design are all things I tend to do instead of actually tying words onto the screen. The point of the scheduled hour is two-fold, to remember when to write and to be able to give myself permission not to write.

Read for 30 minutes every day. The next TBR to tackle is Poor People’s Movements: Why They Succeed, How They Fail by Frances Fox Piven. It’s a great book and the difficulty I face trying to finish it is through no fault of the author. I simply struggle to concentrate while reading from a screen, but like all things I expect I only need more practice. This week’s lunch hours are allocated for the work.

Finish one blog post this week. I have many drafts started and plenty of notes and free writing done, but nothing edited and nothing ended, which is always the hardest part for me. This week I’m going to stick to my writing schedule and tackle the drafts one by one. Hopefully next week I can hope for two blog posts! Bonus: Wrap up one newsletter draft as well.

This week I will not put too much pressure on myself. Things have been enjoyable lately and I don’t want to lose that feeling. I want to write, and read, and learn, and connect, but I don’t want it to be work and I don’t want it to be hard. I want these goals to be a source of joy and peace, not a reason to have to negotiate or berate myself.

What doesn’t feel good or right will go, and what works will go on working for me as long as it will. Change is not only welcome, it is sought, and I’ve decided too that it shouldn’t hurt. It just shouldn’t be this hard. The rest of life already is. What you give and ask of yourself should be the balance.


Photo by Tom Robertson on Unsplash

Goals // Week 18: More of the Same

This week looks a lot like last week, and the week before, and the week before, and on and on back. The world around me was set to restart today, and I was planning on returning to work soon, but just over the weekend county officials announced they would extend our stay at home orders through May 8th at least. The weeks, it seems, will go on being the same for a half a month or so longer and I imagine when things change again they will change just as abruptly as they did nearly six weeks ago. So, this week will be more of the same and I will plan on more of the same for the next, only better, more.

This week I will:

 Seek better input in the hopes of better output. I’ve been thinking a lot about Austin Kleon’s ideas on input and output and trying to get to the bottom of my lack of ideas, my reluctance to start, my inability to finish a writing piece or project. I spend my time either trying (and mostly failing) to write or (when I can’t or I give up) I spend my time consuming junk from social media or TV. There is a third aspect I have been missing, quality input.

Allow time for doing nothing, or at least doing things that do not require a screen. Having a screen in front of me is not conducive to deep thinking. Screens create input sure, but they do not allow for new ideas to form easily. This week I’d like to do more analog free writing and exploring ideas that my own mind generates from the menagerie of concepts and stories that I encounter through the types of media I choose to consume and contemplate.

Finish one week each of courses The Science of Well-Being and Memoir and Personal Essay: Managing Your Relationship with the Reader. The Science of Well-Being is going fine except I don’t have access to a printer for the handouts and Memoir and Personal Essay is going better since I’ve let some of the pressure off and decided to do the assignments in a way that works for me. These are free courses and though it’s important to take them seriously enough to get something out of them, I don’t have to take it so seriously or pursue perfection to the point that I cannot move forward.

Finish reading Borne by Jeff VanderMeer. I’m very close to finishing and if I don’t make the same mistakes as last week, I can finish it quickly and finally move on to my ebook experiment. The key will be going to bed on time. I have an alarm on my phone for 8:15 PM that reminds me to get ready and go read until I fall asleep. Lately I’ve been dismissing it, this week I’m going to heed it. Bonus: Read some Essential Essays about Feminism.

Eat, sleep, move, and hydrate. Now that I now longer have to take so many pills with my meals, I’m not longer avoiding my meals. I’m going to bed earlier and I’m drinking more water too, but moving has been the hardest habit to build lately. Part of it is lack of motivation, but most of it is a body that can’t or won’t cooperate. New knee braces are on the way. I’m split my workout in half to alternate, and I may give yoga a try on days when weighted workout are too much.

Tell myself no. I indulge and spoil myself too much but will power is not an absolute recourse, it waxes and wanes, it must be strengthened through use the way any muscle does. I’d like to start by saying no to myself at least once a day. No to sleeping in. No to sugary snacks. No to putting it off until tomorrow. No to another drink. No to self-pity. No to giving up, to giving in, to wasting time or energy. Just once a day and when that gets a little easier, I can try twice.

This week I will not let my emotions rule me. Being isolated for weeks on end can leave one feeling lonely, angry, irritable, and afraid. Even with my wife here and the pets and plenty to do, I am quickly approaching my limit. I’m sensitive, on edge, and ready to blow up under the slightest provocation. I need to get outside. I need to mediate. I need to get it all out and write it all down. I need to reach out. I need to understand it normal, understandable, and completely preventable but I have to do the work on myself.


P.S. For a look at how I fared last week check out my updated post for Week 17

Photo by Jean-Philippe Delberghe on Unsplash