126 // This Is My Fault Too

Today we made up for the lazy weekend and vowed to one another never to put off to weekday evenings what is best and most easily done on our days off. Lazy Saturdays are decadent and Sundays do encourage sloth but we have to stay strong and focused.

We have too much to do in just two short months before the wedding.

So, we had to rush around while exhausted from work doing things we could have had done already but it’s nice to have grown enough together not to blame or to lash out in frustration but to say instead “this is my fault too and this is what I will do to help us do better in the future”.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

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125 // Better but Not Best

This was one of my better Sundays, though it wasn’t the best it could have been. I woke up late, but I stayed away from the couch and I tried my best to write though I was easily distracted. I spent too much time on small blog things and not nearly enough time on big projects.

I had a lot to do around the house too. A lot of cleaning I’d been neglecting and small things that needed fixing. I marked some domestic to-dos off the list but the list is never ending so the satisfaction isn’t really there. Still, it feels good to focus my attention on new and novel problems for a change.

In the evening I got ready for the week and did it more efficiently than ever before. I’m going to bed weightless and without the usual dread and despair. I’m almost looking forward to Monday now that I’ve gotten ahead of it somewhat.

P.S. I have a new social media menu up here that includes a link to both my Ko-fi and Patreon pages. There isn’t much I have up on either and not much I can offer supporters yet but take a look, follow, and check back soon. I’ll be adding and updating often.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

124 // A Wasted Day

I did nothing today. I wasn’t productive in any sense of the word. I laid on the couch, binge-watched dumb shows, and drank. I normally don’t regret such restful days, but this one was uncalled for. This one wasn’t for me. I didn’t rest because I needed it. I was lazy because I was weak willed. This can’t happen again.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

123 // The Most Friday Friday

We have the sun again today and through the weekend they say, but next week nearly every day rainstorms and clouds are forecasted. Monday it will start to rain. Tuesday: thunderstorms. Wednesday: rain. Thursday: rain and possible snow. Friday: scattered showers, and that’s as far as I got.

I rattled off the report to my fiance this morning while she got ready for work. Her reply: “Tuesday: depression. Wednesday: I hate my life. Thursday: sleep all day. Friday: jump off a building.” She was joking, of course, but her meaning was clear, the weather is getting to us all. Us Coloradoans aren’t built for this.

I’d hoped to take the day for myself, to hide out in a corner and read or write, but we had the sun today. Many of the schools were closed and a lot of my coworkers opted to stay home which made it a good day for projects so I changed my mind.

Those of us who came in took advantage of the relaxed atmosphere. We fired up the grill and made burgers and hot dogs for lunch. We hung out in offices we are normally barred from by propriety. We moved furniture around and took our turns making executive decisions.

It was a good Friday. It was the most “Friday” Friday I’ve had in a long time. I’m glad I chose to spend it out in the fresh air with people rather than in dark corners indoors by myself.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

122 // It Feels Like Friday

The sun came out today, finally. My mood is better but I still feel like being alone. I think I’ll need more time, and more warmth and fresh air, before I’m more like myself again.

Tomorrow many of our schools are out and that means many of my coworkers will be staying home. It’ll be quiet and since I’m already so close to overtime I shouldn’t have to do anything extra at all. Tomorrow is planned for me.

With so many people getting a 3-day weekend it feels like Friday around here. It feels happier, more hopeful, friendly. People are optimistic, more willing to to share and to say a kind word. We’re prone to laughter and excited to see one another again come Monday.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

121 // Fewer Regrets

Today went by way too fast. I feel I hardly had time to do today’s work and then to catch up on yesterday’s work before it was time to start on tomorrow’s work!

There wasn’t time for me to write or to read or to make progress on my courses. I cannot wait until after tomorrow when things will die down again…maybe. Now that I think about it, I think next week is supposed to be just as busy.

I’m doing better at night though. My new rule is I can watch one show, maybe two, but never three. I have to check my to-do list, write at least a journal post, work on my courses if there is time, and read for 30 minutes before bed. Making time in the evening to make up for time lost in the day is a relief. It means I go to bed with fewer regrets and a little less to worry about.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

113 // Small Steps

Today is better than yesterday, but not by much. Work is still out of the question, though I did show up, but a few wedding things are getting done. My goal is one small step every single day. I figure that three month’s worth of small steps every day should get us the wedding we want or very close, anyway.

The problem is, or the thing I have to remember is that small steps don’t mean easy or quick. A small step, just one decision or one to-do item could take a whole day or longer. I have to remember to focus on the process and not just done. I have to be okay with things taking time and things being difficult. I have to forget about the timeline and just work.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

112 // Monday Gloom

The clouds are hanging around again today, in the sky and in my head. I can’t seem to shake them no matter how much sugar and caffeine I consume and fighting it is only exhausting me further. Today is for rest, even if I have to spend it working and wedding planning. Though my body may appear to be moving and doing I assure you that my mind was left back in the bed at home where it’s warm and peaceful. Writing, reading, and learning will just have to wait.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

111 // Napping Season

Easter is such a strange holiday. The combination of the literal belief in the resurrection and the pagan celebration of springtime complete with brightly colored eggs and chocolate bunnies make absolutely no sense to someone who is an atheist and has no children. It’s the one day of the year when the most people seem to have gone the most insane all at once.

I spent the day celebrating my birthday, again, and acknowledging that spring is the beginning of the napping season. The warm weather is becoming more consistent and the rains are rolling in regularly making napping easier to do and the later and later evening remove the guilt and the panic. Now there is time for you to be both productive and lazy. Enjoy it!


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

109 // It Sounds Dumb

A lovely boring little day, much like the one I had yesterday. The Mueller report is out and there’s a lot to unpack but, for me, it can wait. Today I practiced a little self-care and listened to the new Lizzo album instead. 


I was supposed to go to a bookstore tonight—one of my favorite authors was in town to do a book signing—but when I got home, I just wasn’t up to it. I want to tell you that it was because I had a headache, or because I was tired, but the truth is I was anxious and I over thought the whole thing. By the end of the day I thought it was dumb to want to go which also sounds dumb.

I regret it now, but I also realize that in the grand scheme of things it’s fine. The night turned out to be a good one anyway.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren